vent
i think relapse season is hitting me rn idk and everything Lowkey feels like a horrible dream but oh well my friends are doing much worse mentally then i am so i gotta push through because i should be worrying about losing my friends instead of worrying about myself. i cant let them know, itll be worse on them, and i dont wanna make their mentality worse. then I could lose them and I probably would go insane. I dont know what to do and I cant just reach out to them. they have their own problems they need to deal with first, I gotta worry about them so they could feel better, but I know I'm doing a horrible job, I don't think I'm a good helper at all, I probably made them worse, and it doesnt help that one of my friends don't even respect my personal boundaries, but I have to keep it In because if I yell, I'll end up hurting her, and that's not an option. I hate physical touch without consent. my sensory issues are getting really bad, and I keep getting forced to do things that overwhelm me. certain foods, physical touch, and other things, I keep getting forced to do or have. I cant lash out. I cant. I cnt lose my friends, she can't lose me, she'll relapse. everything feels weird right now, but I cant just open irl, idk how to respond to comfort, and I don't think I deserve receiving it if I cant simply give it. I'm probably just dramatic rn. i hear hospital sounds sometimes, like hallucinate them, I'm scared about that ngllllllllllllllllllll, but again, my focus is to make sure my friends don't lose their selves...I cant be selfish. I gotta put myself last, because putting myself first makes the friendships unhealthy, OMG I need to stop myself from taking care of myself for now so I don't get distracted I have to make sure I can make my friends happy, even if I lost my ability to cry out the stuff myself.i have to wait until my friends are better to tell them this, I feel like I'm the reason for all this happening. its always my fault because if I had never came, they would've been happier people. I just know it. idk how to help them, me listening isn't enough. I'm failing to make them happy. I have to make sure they don't lose themselves. I just have to. I'm last, its better off me completely losing myselff rather then my group of friends, like the train riddle, its better to pull the lever and one person get hit
rather then 5 people, y'all don't need to respond to these, I just need to get everything out.
Supporting friends during difficult times can be incredibly taxing, especially if you're also dealing with your own mental health challenges. It's normal to feel overwhelmed and to question your role in their lives. Mental health awareness has grown in recent years, encouraging individuals to prioritize self-care while being a source of support for others. Establishing boundaries is essential; letting friends know what helps and what overwhelms you fosters healthier relationships. In times of crisis, nurturing your own mental wellbeing is crucial. Techniques such as mindfulness and journaling can help you process your emotions and experiences. Understanding that you're not solely responsible for your friends’ happiness is a vital step toward maintaining a healthy mental state. Valuing your own needs alongside those of your friends can ultimately strengthen your bonds. Remember, it's perfectly okay to seek help for yourself, too. By being aware and taking care of yourself, you can provide more meaningful support to your friends when they're in need.
