Do ADHDers “abandon” themselves?
When stress hits me hard, I feel like I just… disappear. Exercise? Gone. Eating properly? Nope. Showering, self-care, all minimal or non-existent. I do the absolute bare minimum—brush teeth, quick shower, throw on something comfy—because my brain is so consumed with the stress that I can’t focus on anything else. Sometimes I literally forget to do these things. Other times I remember but just can’t bring myself to do it.
It’s not laziness or lack of care—it’s like my brain shuts down and self-care becomes impossible. Reading other ADHDers talk about this makes me feel… less alone. Does anyone else experience this kind of “self-abandonment” when stress hits hard? How do you cope?
Many adults with ADHD experience periods where stress feels overwhelming, leading to a shutdown in their usual routines of self-care such as exercise, nutrition, and hygiene. This reaction is often misinterpreted as laziness or lack of motivation, but it is actually a neurobiological response where the brain’s executive functions become impaired. When stress hits hard, the ADHD brain can become so flooded that focusing on even basic tasks like brushing teeth or cooking meals can seem impossible. This phenomenon is sometimes described as “self-abandonment” because individuals feel disconnected from their own needs and struggle to maintain their usual standards of care. It's important to recognize that this is not a personal failing but an authentic aspect of living with ADHD. Awareness and acceptance can reduce self-criticism and guilt. Connecting with others who share similar experiences, for example through online communities or support groups (like #asklemon8 and #cozychat), can provide emotional relief and practical advice. Coping strategies often include setting small, manageable goals, breaking tasks into tiny steps, and allowing flexibility without judgment. Mindfulness and grounding techniques may help reduce overwhelming feelings, making it easier to re-engage in self-care gradually. Furthermore, planning ahead for stressful periods by preparing simple meals, creating easy self-care routines, and scheduling brief exercise sessions can build resilience against shutdown episodes. Professional support from therapists or ADHD coaches can also offer personalized strategies. In essence, understanding that what looks like self-abandonment is often a temporary and understandable response to stress allows ADHD adults to approach themselves with compassion. Sharing experiences and coping tips within the ADHD community fosters connection and reduces the isolation commonly felt during these tough moments.
Happens all the time to me. My schedule right now isn't the greatest. I haven't completely shut down, but there are times I wish someone in my house would see that I'm struggling.