Does anyone ever feel like they’re an outcast?

Here lately these thoughts have creeped in my head. Being a cradled catholic that no longer goes to mass EVERY Sunday is weird but not weird. Yes, I do miss things here and there. I still like to participate in lent because I believe it’s a way to make yourself a better person and Christian. Some people see it as oh I’m not gonna drink sodas or eat sweets anymore. But to be honest I think it’s more of a time where we need to reflect on ourself. Maybe some should say, I need to be nicer. I will no longer gossip and hurt others feelings. You know, John Doe and I never have gotten along, maybe we can build a relationship and be friends. But it’s not always that. And you know what it’s okay. Everyone has their own opinions. Now where did all this begin? I definitely became a black sheep when I watched the church in Sweetwater allow others to go in and rejected my mother and I during COVID. Keep in mind I was already going to Church of Christ because to be super honest I felt like it was more like home there. I was never ever rejected to be there. The second time I tried to go back to the Catholic Church I called a priest, won’t say a name. I asked him if he could pray cause Justin’s grandmother is Catholic and we knew that would make her feel a lot better before having surgery. Well, I was told he couldn’t drive from one side of town to the other to contact the person on call. Never got a number or how I could find the priest. That’s when I said forget it. Since then, I never turned back. Why? Why should I if all it’s done is rejected me when I ASKED and PLEAD for it to educate me? I swear if I would have asked my grandpa Shelton he wouldn’t know exactly who but he would give me numbers to call. Heck he’d even drive an hour and a half to attend church with me. I’ve never met a Catholic like that. So yes, when my mom tries to take me to a Catholic Church or mentions anything. I just remember the non stop disappointment. I look back and I kinda learned from how they were. Yall know how many times I been asked billing questions and I tell patients I’m not sure but I can find someone to help you…. That’s all those two folks had to do…. Yet, the church was too good to let me and my mom in and tell the other family of 5 that we were there first. And two, I’m sorry I cannot do that but let me see if I can find out who the priest on call there is.

Now where did this come from. This came from me thinking about every time my family tells me to go talk to a priest. Why? Tell me why am I going to go talk to a place that has rejected me. I did what they made me do. My baptism, first communion, and confirmation. I learned the 10 commandments and numerous prayers. I’ve managed to remember the rosary. You know sometimes it’s hard to tell them to just take a hike because I know that one day I’m gonna hurt them but I will no longer consider myself a Catholic cause that how they treated me. Like a stray dog that didn’t deserve attention. With that being said, my rant and statement of the day is over.

Lastly, this isn’t to offend anyone. If you are offended I can’t help you. I’m just using my freedom of speech. I just have to let it out that it kinda gets annoying when people drill it into my head that I have to go to the Catholic Church and I have declined it. If judgement day comes and the man upstairs sees that I was wrong for doing so. Okay, I’ll take a L. But I don’t see myself getting a L. Because WE are the church. The building doesn’t spread the word alone. We the people do. Jesus was able to teach and preach on the streets and so can we. I know believe that I am able to go into a Forrest meditate and pray and find more peace than asking a presser for help.

Yes, I will always be a first believer of saints. Especially Our Lady of Guadalupe cause that will always be my grandmothers go to. And though I will not attend the church I always have kept her by my side. I am still a believer but in a different way.