Happy Mother’s Day…if you celebrate
For many families, Mother’s Day is a day where moms can finally sleep in or wake up to breakfast (or brunch) in bed. The day just might be a little different for foster and adoptive families, as parents need to be extra cognizant that these holidays may affect their family differently. While foster and adoptive parents deserve a day to be spoiled, it is also part of their responsibility to check in with children on this day.
When making plans to celebrate, remember there is no rule on how to celebrate Mother’s Day. Each child and family is different, so just try to focus on how to support your child first, while also making room for yourself even if it is on a separate day or weekend.
How you show up for the children in your care makes all the difference.
This weekend can often too difficult to manage, but joy can be found amidst the grief. For my family, I've had to push myself to find moments of joy to celebrate my own motherhood journey with my children and acknowledge that in order to do that I also need to give myself the time to be sad or angry. This year I'm especially grateful to have my sister Jessica in my life to celebrate how healing we have found motherhood to be.
So happy Mother's Day to those who celebrate. And for those that don't, know that you are not alone. Try and reach out to your support network and take this weekend minute by minute if you have to.
Mother’s Day can be a deeply meaningful yet challenging time for adoptive and foster families. From personal experience, I’ve found that the traditional celebrations centered on biological motherhood do not always fit neatly with the unique dynamics of these families. It’s essential to approach this day with flexibility and compassion — not only for the children but also for the parents and caregivers involved. One effective strategy is creating a memory box with the children, where they can add photos, letters, or small keepsakes. This offers a tangible way to honor various mother figures and birth connections, making the day feel inclusive and healing. For example, a child might write a letter to a birth mother they’ve never met or include tokens that represent their journey. Another helpful approach is to openly acknowledge and validate all feelings surrounding the day. It’s normal for children or caregivers to experience grief, sadness, or anger alongside joy. Establishing safe spaces where these emotions can be expressed — such as quiet conversations or creative outlets like drawing or writing — fosters emotional well-being. Communication also plays a key role. Phrases like "I hope you enjoy Mother’s Day" rather than presumptive greetings can be more comforting, showing respect for the child’s feelings and experiences. Inviting children to help decide how to mark the day, whether through baking, crafting, or simply spending time together, gives them agency and may ease tension. Lastly, self-care for adoptive and foster parents is crucial. Celebrating motherhood might happen on a different day or in a different way, and setting healthy boundaries allows caregivers to honor their own journeys without pressure. By embracing these thoughtful practices, adoptive and foster families can find moments of joy throughout Mother’s Day — creating memories that honor all the forms of love and family that exist beyond traditional definitions.
