Brick and Mortar

Shut. It. OFF.

I shut down but never shut off

I wish I could reset myself

How do I stop the flow of thoughts

I’ve built walls so strong and High

The thoughts and messages flow through the brick and mortar with ease,

Like a slender snake finding every weak spot in an impenetrable force.

Defying their very own nature through the smallest cracks just to nestle themselves into my brain stem.

He’s going to leave me again..

he’s going to leave me again…

Why can’t I just stop

Why can’t I just be perfect …

Why can’t I will my mouth shut when my heart and mind are screaming at each other having a war amongst themselves.

Why can’t I.

What else is there to do…

He’s going to leave you again.

I don’t want him to leave again.

Do I prepare ?

Do I go back to how things were and leave as is?

Do I push do pull, every direction I go seems wrong.

I’m wrong.

I. Am. Wrong.

He’s going to leave you again.

Don’t be naive.

You know it to be true.

This is to much,

You’re to much,

The chaos.the questions. The ever flooding thoughts that you can’t keep at bay.

Why do you worry so much just stop it, just stop, shut the fuck up just STOP.

You were never meant to be here, you know that. Princesses aren’t real, you have to grow up. No one will save you. So simple minded. There is no happily ever after.

He’s going to leave you again.

Don’t be naive.

You know it to be true.

This is to much,

You’re to much,

You’re not enough.

Mortar …brick … mortar… brick … fill in the gaps… mortar… brick…

This wall is so high….

Mortar … brick…

I need more… higher… bigger stronger …

Mortar… brick…

Please don’t leave me…

Please don’t leave me…

Mortar … brick.

Mortar. Brick.

The view looks nice from here.

I can see it all…

Mortar………..brick .

To high for the snakes to climb …

Mortar…… brick…

Jump.

Shut. It. Off.

#wordvomit

2025/4/16 Edited to

... Read moreThe metaphor of 'brick and mortar' serves as a poignant representation of the emotional walls we construct in response to stress and anxiety. Many individuals experience incessant spirals of negative thoughts that create an invisible barrier, isolating them from connection and authenticity. Recognizing these walls is the first step toward dismantling them. One effective approach to begin this process involves mindfulness practices, which can help in grounding oneself and fostering self-awareness. Mindfulness encourages individuals to acknowledge their thoughts rather than suppress them, allowing room for change. Techniques such as meditation and deep breathing can promote mental clarity and emotional regulation. Moreover, engaging in open communication with trusted friends or professionals can significantly alleviate feelings of burden. Sharing thoughts often provides relief and may reveal new perspectives that counteract the narratives we tell ourselves, especially those reinforcing the fear of abandonment or insufficiency. It's also valuable to confront the belief in perfectionism—a common struggle among those who feel like they are never enough. Accepting imperfection can pave the way for personal growth, allowing individuals to embrace their humanity rather than aiming for an unattainable standard. Ultimately, the journey through personal turmoil mirrors a construction process: recognizing that each brick represents a belief or experience, and choosing to replace it with a healthier alternative is empowering. By gradually removing these bricks, we create openings for healing and connection. The theme of 'brick and mortar' encapsulates this struggle beautifully, reminding us of the resilience required to confront and overcome the barriers we build.