Feelings of Failure
It’s been one of those days where I’m questioning everything I’m doing as a mom. Ella was playing in her room, and I called her to come out. She said, “Coming!” but when she appeared, she had her arms covering her face. I could still see there was something all over it. I stayed calm and asked, “What did you do?” She looked at me and said, “I don’t want you to yell at me.” My heart sank.
I stayed composed, got up, and walked her back to her room. She followed me, still visibly upset, and when I asked again what happened, she said, “I’m scared. I don’t want to get in trouble. I don’t want you to yell at me.” That completely broke me.
She eventually handed me a pile of my makeup and a brush. I realized she had opened the closet and used a chair to reach it. I took the makeup back to the bathroom, cleaned her up, and talked to her calmly about why she can’t play with mommy’s makeup and that some of it could hurt her skin or eyes. She seemed to understand and said, “Okay, mommy.”
Ella loves makeup. She has tons of pretend sets and plays with them all the time. But yesterday, as we were leaving for a doctor’s appointment, she insisted she needed to bring it all with her because she “needed her makeup to be pretty.” That broke my heart even more. I don’t know where this idea comes from, but I never want her thinking she needs makeup, or anything, to be beautiful. She is already so beautiful, inside and out.
It’s so hard not to feel like I’m failing. I try my best, but parenting is so overwhelming sometimes. I just want her to feel safe and loved, to know she’s enough exactly as she is.
If anyone has advice, I’d really appreciate it right now.
The concept of feeling like a failure is common among parents, especially in challenging moments. It’s essential to remember that every parent has days filled with doubts. Psychological experts suggest reframing these feelings by focusing on positive aspects of parenting. Create a supportive environment where children feel safe sharing their concerns without fear. Engaging with community resources, like parenting workshops or support groups, can provide you with valuable strategies and affirmations to build confidence in your abilities. Additionally, fostering open conversations about self-esteem with your children can help them understand that beauty comes from within and not solely from external appearances. Remember, nurturing a child's emotional growth and security is a profound form of success in parenting. Understanding that perfection is unattainable can be liberating and can redirect your focus toward growth and connection.
Maybe try to change her perspective on makeup! Instead of wearing it to “be pretty” explain that people do makeup as a form of art! Like painting! And that it doesn’t have to be done everyday. You can also have a talk about trust and that she doesn’t need to hide things from you. You’re doing great. :) 💞