Told my friends Iโll ghost them๐
This is probably one of the most toxic things Iโve ever done.
When I first joined ITE, I eventually found my main friend group.
Within the first few months of knowing them, I kept telling them,
โAfter these 2 yearsโฆ Iโm gonna disappear and ghost all of you.โ ๐คฃ
At that time, I didnโt even know why I kept saying it.
I just knew.
It was this weird feeling that sat in my chest.
Like no matter how close we becameโฆ I was never meant to keep these friendships after graduation.
Mind youโฆ
I barely even came to school. ๐ญ
And if I did, I was probably late.
But somehow, whenever I was there, weโd laugh, hang out after school, and genuinely have a good time.
There wasnโt any drama.
No betrayal.
No huge fight.
Nothing.
They were honestly good people.
Which makes what I did even weirder.
Because after graduationโฆ
I did exactly what I said I would.
I disappeared.
No explanation.
No argument.
I justโฆ went ghost.
The crazy part?
One of them even posted a TikTok about us.
Our faces were censored, but I remember the caption being something along the lines of how she thought weโd be in each otherโs weddings one day.
That hit me.
I felt guilty.
But at the same timeโฆ
I remembered Iโd been saying this since the beginning.
Almost like a part of me already knew.
Looking back nowโฆ
I donโt think I ghosted them because they were bad friends.
I think I ghosted them because I wasnโt in a good place.
Back then, my mental health wasnโt great.
I knew I couldnโt be the kind of friend they deserved.
And I also had this gut feeling that staying in those friendships wasnโt leading me towards the person I wanted to become.
Maybe that makes me selfish.
Maybe it makes me a villain in someone elseโs story.
Honestlyโฆ maybe both can be true.
I still miss them sometimes when old memories pop up.
And I genuinely hope theyโre doing well.
But Iโve also learned that sometimes the hardest decision isnโt walking away from bad people.
Itโs walking away from good people because you know youโre not ready,, or youโre being pulled in a different direction.
Your intuition isnโt always comfortable.
Sometimes itโll make you look like the bad guy.
But if youโve really sat with it, reflected on it, and you know deep down itโs what you need
Trust yourself.
Just remember thereโs a difference between protecting your peace and avoiding difficult conversations.
Sometimes leaving is necessary.
Sometimes healing means learning how to communicate instead.
Only you know which one youโre doing.
Ghosting friends, especially those you genuinely care about, is a complex and often painful decision. From my own experience, it wasn't about them being bad friendsโquite the opposite. Sometimes, when you're struggling mentally or emotionally, you feel the need to protect yourself by stepping away. This act isnโt selfishness but a way to preserve your peace when you realize you canโt meet the expectations of those friendships or they donโt align with where youโre headed in life. I remember feeling a strange, persistent sense of knowing early on that these friendships might not last beyond a certain point. Even though we had fun, laughed, and shared moments free from drama or betrayal, my internal feeling told me it was time to move on for my own healing and growth. Trusting your intuition can be confusing because it might seem like youโre the โbad guyโ to others, but sometimes itโs necessary. Itโs important to differentiate between avoiding difficult conversations and genuinely protecting your well-being. Ghosting without closure can hurt others, but it might also be the only way you can handle your current emotional state. In retrospect, I wish I had perhaps communicated more about my feelings, but at that time, I wasnโt ready. This experience taught me that walking away from good people isnโt always about themโitโs about you finding the right timing and space for your personal development. Itโs okay to sometimes prioritize your mental health and recognize when a relationship may no longer support who you want to become. Memories may linger, and nostalgia may hit, but the journey toward healing often requires tough choices. If you ever find yourself in a similar position, reflect deeply on your reasons and be honest with yourself. Protecting your peace is vital, but so is learning how and when to communicate. Every situation is unique, and only you can decide when ghosting is necessary or when working through the relationship could lead to healing. Ultimately, trust your intuition and remember that self-care looks different for everyone.