“Everyone does that...” ⚠ BOTMOB SCAN DETECTED ABSTRACTION TRAP

Have you ever tried to express a valid concern, only to have it completely shut down with a dismissive 'Oh, everyone does that,' or 'you're overreacting'? It's incredibly frustrating, right? I know I've been there, feeling like my feelings were invalid and my points were just... erased. What you might be experiencing is what I've learned to call an 'Abstraction Trap'. This isn't just about someone not understanding you; it's a specific communication tactic, almost like 'reality coercion,' that aims to avoid accountability or dismiss a genuine issue. The OCR scan of this principle perfectly describes it: it works through 'categorical flattening.' Instead of addressing your specific concern, the person 'overgeneralizes to erase important distinctions and hide a specific issue.' Imagine trying to talk about a specific instance where you felt let down, and the response is, 'Well, nobody's perfect,' or 'everyone makes mistakes.' While true in a general sense, it completely sidesteps your particular experience and how it made you feel. The effect, as the OCR says, is that it 'dilutes the point until it disappears in the blur.' You're left feeling confused, unheard, and sometimes even guilty for bringing it up. So, how do we counter this tricky tactic? The doctrine from the OCR is crystal clear: 'Specificity is the only shield against the blur.' This means when you encounter this kind of dismissive overgeneralization, you need to gently but firmly bring the conversation back to the specific event or feeling. Here are some ways I've found helpful to reclaim the conversation: Reiterate Your Specific Point: Instead of letting the conversation drift, calmly say, 'I understand that generally, but I'm talking about this specific instance when X happened, and it made me feel Y.' Use "I" Statements: Focus on your feelings and experiences. 'I felt hurt when you said that,' rather than 'You always say dismissive things.' This keeps the focus on your specific emotional response, which is harder to generalize away. Ask for Specific Acknowledgment: You can gently push back with questions like, 'Can you acknowledge how that specific action affected me?' or 'Are you willing to discuss this particular situation?' Set Boundaries: If someone consistently uses this 'abstraction trap' to avoid meaningful discussion, it might be a sign of a deeper communication issue. You might need to set boundaries, saying, 'I need to feel heard on this specific issue. If we can't discuss it, I need to take a step back.' Recognizing this pattern is a huge step towards protecting your mental health and fostering healthier relationships. It's about validating your own experiences and refusing to let your legitimate concerns be 'diluted into the blur.' It empowers you to stand firm in your truth, even when others try to 'categorically flatten' it. Remember, your specific feelings and experiences matter, and you deserve to have them acknowledged.