Compassion Fatigue and My Experience

Compassion Fatigue/Secondary Traumatic Stress

Ever since I was a little girl, I have had a deep sense of empathy and compassion embedded inside of me. It was, and still is, a defining trait of my character. Growing up, I would give and give without hesitation, putting others’ needs before my own, because that’s what I was taught. As a woman and as a Christian it was what I was supposed to do… There was always a small part of me that wanted to be selfish, that didn’t want to give, but I ignored it. And as I got older, the more I gave the more depleted I felt. Many of the people in my life were dealing with serious issues that were way out of my depth; I had become the therapist of my group. But no one really thought to ask how I was doing or how I felt. When I needed help, there never seemed to be enough room for me in their emotional space. When it came up, I was confused that they didn’t seem to want to put in the same effort that I had for their issues. It was beyond frustrating. Despite being around people that I knew had love for me, I had felt completely alone and isolated, due to not being able to talk to anyone about the turmoil inside of me. But I kept on giving. Until one day, it felt as though my empathy had vanished into thin air. My therapist at the time had diagnosed it as Compassion Fatigue.

Compassion fatigue by definition is

“the indifference to charitable appeals on behalf of those who are suffering, experienced as a result of the frequency or number of such appeals”.

In other words, my sudden indifference to other people's problems and emotions was the cost of caring too much for too long without leaving any room for myself. I was stunned, and came to the realization that if I wanted to get that part of my identity back I would need to make some changes…

These are some things that I’ve learned are necessary in order to gain that part of your identity back if you have been through or are going through Compassion Fatigue.

1. Put Yourself First.

Advocate for yourself and your wellbeing. If what someone is doing is hurting you, let them know or walk away. It may seem selfish at first, and that’s because it is. You are allowed to be selfish when it comes to your time and energy, and there is nothing wrong with that.

2. Have Boundaries.

This can look like limiting your time with certain people, being honest about your emotional capacity, saying no, or even taking a step back. Other people can solve their problems. Tackle yours first.

3. Take Care of Your Body.

Not enough water, protein, movement, or sleep can be detrimental to the healing process. Make sure that you have a balanced diet, you don’t over eat or eat too little, drink water, sleep at least 8-9 hours and try to make sure your body is in motion. Even a 10 minute walk a day can help!

4. Take Care of Your Spirit.

Just like a plant, your spirit needs light and sustenance. For many people this looks like meditation, reading religious or self help books, or praying. But it could also mean connecting with nature and doing things that heal your inner child, such as going outside, reading, drawing, swimming, creating, or even sleeping. All of these can be rejuvenating for your spirit.

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