My (ex) best friend bullied me (imo)
Hello! I've been in a toxic/bullying friendship before so I'm sharing my story & reflection:
I had this ex best friend (EBF) in my previous group of 7 (now group of 4) who used to make me so depressed that my parents had to step in to report to the school. If you'd read My best friend stole my phone, I briefly mentioned my group dynamic. In my primary school, I was in a group of 7 which became 4, now that we're in different secondary schools.
Within that previous group of 7, there was this 1 friend who I had shared a special connection to. I guess, at that time, it was a bonding due to our common experience of having a phone at such a young age. This EBF of mine, she had a reputation of being nice & friendly. What I didn't know, however, was that I had an even better reputation than her to the point that she became jealous? & I didn't even know I had this reputation 🥲
So, in 2017, we became best friends. Then, we realised that we liked the same guy. Not wanting to be a bad friend, I stopped liking that guy & I moved on (to his other nicer looking friends 💀). But, EBF kept thinking that I still liked her crush when I actually did move on. So she kept persisting with me (for the second half of the year) to quit it, to the point where I started typing to her in ALL CAPS that I don't care about her crush at all. After weeks of frustration with her, she started to move on to find other reasons & events to really push my esteem down. A frequent repeat was her threatening me with her life because she was “suicidal” & I was lost on how to help her. All I did was recommend school counseling to her but she'd start to lash out at me for not being a good friend. She would pinpoint about the things I do (food, actions, speech) & I gradually became stressed to be around her. I'd break into sweat with regards to predicting the mood she'd be having for every. Single. Day. I had to walk on eggshells to please her… & she'd still find faults in me. (Looking back now, I'm a bit frustrated with the younger me. Yet, I could understand what & why she did certain actions to maintain that friendship with EBF).
In early 2018, EBF went onto social media (IG & Musically) to talk bad about me which really daunted me because her follower count was higher than mine. I was confused on where I offended her & I always had to walk on eggshells around her. Everytime I read her texts, the sadder I became & the more I typed in all caps to her, begging her to stop. Later, she'd use my capitalised texts against me (without her previous contexts) to post online & let others think I was the bad one. I had a few times where my other classmates (mostly girls) physically came up to me for confrontations. I had to explain to them that EBF was the one starting this with me. I was even kicked out of both my class & girl classmates’ group chats because of EBF's influence. Luckily, my other best friends added me back in & also reported to me that EBF was spreading even more lies about me. This went on for months because EBF kept threatening me that no one will believe my side of the story after all the capitalised texts I sent her. So pretty much, I just kept believing her & dug an even deeper hole for my already deteriorating mental health.
One fateful day, we were having an after school workshop event. I was an active participant in this workshop because it was so interesting. My mind didn't once go to EBF. Yet, in my father's car when he was driving me home, EBF sent a text about how I had stolen her spotlight (because of my popularity, that I did not know I had) & that I was attention seeking. She kept lashing & lashing out at me through texts, mentioning jealousy & death. Each one of her texts hurt me on the inside, to the point I finally broke down in my father's car. My parents previously suspected I was in a toxic friendship with EBF multiple times but I always lied to them so they thought I had her handled. In truth, I hid my tears at night because I felt ashamed I had to always rely on them. The breakdown event in the car really propelled my parents to report to the school on verbal & cyberbullying amongst friends. Hence, my Form Teachers took matters into their own hands & confiscated both our phones for checking (upon our parents’ permissions).
The truth came to light that she was cyberbullying me & she was recommended for school counseling. Her parents were in denial & never let her go for any session until our teachers had to step in again. She never apologised for what happened but some of our other classmates came up to me to do so (for believing in her lies). I don't think I ever really forgave them because of the trauma (unlike my other best friend who stole my phone). Everything was really one-sided & even with my previous explanations, they didn't listen. Only my true friends stayed by my side during that period, defending me. It was also this event, where I realised that my parents love me & just want the best for me. They regret deeply that they never asked deeper about the friendship I had with EBF (even with suspicions) but I think that it was partially my fault for dragging things on with her. I ended up scoring high marks to enter into the best class for 2019 & 2020 while she remained in the second best class. I guess, in a way, I used my academics as an out for me from her. The relief I felt from not having her as a classmate the following year was… very refreshing & emotional. It was like a burden was gone. However, to this day, my esteem never really came back (& I desperately miss the younger me).
Conclusion: Cut off the friendship that drains you. You'll regret not doing it earlier because you'd waste your time & energy to hold on. You'll lose so much of yourself & then you'll have to spend even more time trying to pick yourself up again.
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#school #schoollife #bullying #storytime #Lemon8SG #MyLemon8Diary #lessonslearned #toxicfriendship #sg #singapore
Reflecting on my experience, I've learned some important lessons that I'd like to share with others who might be dealing with bullying friendships or toxic relationships. First, the emotions that come with being bullied by someone you once trusted can be deeply confusing. You might feel torn between keeping the friendship and protecting your own well-being. For me, it was difficult because I didn’t realize how bad it had gotten until my mental health steadily declined. Second, one sign that a situation is becoming serious is constant anxiety about how the other person might react each day, like walking on eggshells. If you catch yourself feeling stressed, fearful, or drained by interactions with a friend or peer, it’s a red flag worth paying attention to. When my parents noticed my distress, they suggested getting help from school counselors. I highly recommend reaching out to supportive adults or mental health professionals. Sometimes, outside perspective is crucial to validating your experience and guiding you through healing. Also, social media can unfortunately amplify bullying. My ex-best friend's posts hurt my reputation and made things even more isolating. It’s important to document any abusive behavior online and inform trusted authorities or guardians to intervene. Lastly, cutting ties with toxic people is hard but necessary. I wasted so much time trying to maintain a friendship that only caused pain. Leaving that negativity behind helped me restore my confidence and focus on my academics and true friends who really cared. To anyone reading this, if you feel trapped in a toxic friendship or relationship, prioritize your mental health. Remember, your feelings matter, and you deserve friendships that uplift and support you rather than tear you down. Don’t hesitate to seek help or distance yourself to protect your well-being.