is it fair to protect her future from our mom

I’ve been the guardian of my 17 y/o sister since she was 14. A while ago, we got her birth certificate + social security card through an aunt so she could get her license. After that, I decided to hold onto the documents instead of sending them back to our mom.

Here’s why: my mom hasn’t supported my sister in 3 years—financially, emotionally, nothing. She’s abandoned her multiple times, and now she only wants the documents to be petty. My sister will turn 18 in 9 months, and I don’t want her to struggle replacing these vital papers right as she’s trying to start adulthood.

Our aunt feels bad because mom promised her she’d send them back, and now my mom harasses her every night with calls/texts. But honestly, my mom has always been manipulative, and I’m not giving in just to make her stop.

Am I wrong for keeping the documents with my sister, or is it fair to protect her future from our mom’s drama?

#AskLemon8 #LetsChat #FamilyDrama

2025/9/27 Edited to

... Read moreNavigating family dynamics can be incredibly challenging, especially when legal documents like birth certificates and Social Security cards are involved. These documents are critical for a young adult’s transition to independence since they are required for obtaining jobs, college enrollment, government benefits, and more. Given that your sister is about to turn 18, having uninterrupted access to these vital papers is essential to prevent any potential delays or complications. Your decision to keep the documents to shield your sister from your mom’s manipulative behavior seems rooted in protecting her best interests. It’s important to remember that, while the biological parent typically holds custody or access rights, those rights can become complicated if the parent has been neglectful or abusive. The fact that your mom hasn’t provided financial or emotional support for three years suggests a lack of consistent involvement, which could justify your cautious approach. Legal guardians or caregivers sometimes hold important documents temporarily to ensure the child’s welfare, especially when the other parent poses a risk of harm or disruption. It may be helpful to consult with a family law professional to understand your sister’s rights and how best to handle the situation legally. This might also provide a pathway to officially formalize guardianship or limit your mom’s direct control to protect your sister. Emotionally, your sister’s upcoming adulthood is a sensitive period. Encouraging her to understand her rights and be involved in decisions regarding her documents can empower her to take ownership of her life. Additionally, open communication within supportive family members like your aunt can help alleviate tension and find solutions that minimize conflict. Ultimately, safeguarding a young adult’s documents against potential interference or drama can be a responsible act of protection, not a selfish withholding. Balancing this with efforts to reduce hostility and seek legal clarity will improve your sister’s chances of a stable and independent future.

23 comments

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Melanie Burns

Please run a credit check on your sister. You need to found out if your mom had opened things under her SS#

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