I’m in a relationship with me 🩵

I told myself that in 2025, I would end the cycle of dating men who were not right for me.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve struggled with loneliness. I was shy and quiet growing up, making it hard to fit in or make friends. I mostly kept to myself. If I had to describe loneliness, I’d say it feels like a hole in your heart that you can never quite fill. One of my biggest fears has always been dying alone.

Because of that feeling, I sought love—sometimes accepting it from people who were never right for me. I chased love and validation from all the wrong people. Guys who lied. Guys who cheated. Guys in open marriages / relationships. Guys who were in the closet. Guys who weren’t over their exes. Guys battling addiction and depression. And once, a Catholic priest (I was over 18). Every time I convinced myself it was my purpose to heal them, to help them become better versions of themselves. But in doing that, I lost a small part of myself.

I’ve always envied couples who met young, who just knew they were each other’s person. The ones who spent holidays together, traveled together, and shared a love so effortless and deep that they were inseparable. You know them. Whenever I would see these couples in public holding hands, laughing, kissing, I would ask myself—why can’t I find that kind of love? Am I not worthy of it? Am I not meant to have it?

After college, I had a reading with a young, gifted psychic who told me something that has stayed with me ever since. She explained to me that we’ve had many lives on this Earth and that each time we come here to learn a major life lesson. She told me that my life lesson was to learn to love myself.

For years, I didn’t fully understand what she meant. Of course, I love myself. Why wouldn’t I? I’m smart. I’m driven. I’m hardworking. I’m a good person. But what I didn’t realize was that my actions told a different story. I was accepting less than I deserved—pouring into others while neglecting myself.

When I care about something, I always give 110%. I am a Type A personality. My bosses have always loved my work ethic. I work hard—sometimes to my own detriment. When it comes to love, I’m the same way. I go above and beyond for the people I care about.

My love languages are gift-giving and quality time. When I am in love with someone, I’ll pick up their favorite snack. Surprise them with that thing they’ve wanted just to see them smile. Cook their favorite meal. Go to their sports games and take an interest in whatever hobby excites them, even if it’s not my thing. That’s who I am. It’s in my DNA.

But I’ve come to the realization that I deserve more than I am getting. I am enough. I am MORE than enough. And I refuse to accept less. I will no longer waste my energy on the wrong people. It’s Bernie’s energy now. If my person is out there, the Universe will bring them to me.

I am dating myself now. I am doing things for me. Getting that pedicure. Taking myself on movie dates. Running that bubble bath. Buying myself flowers. Treating myself to my favorite foods. Taking that pottery class I’ve always wanted to try. Learning a second language. Booking that dream vacation. Spending time with the people I know love me. Enjoying my own company and having the time of my life doing it!

This leads me to my final thought and the purpose of this post. As a content creator, they say you need to find your niche. I could never quite figure mine out. Is it about life in Southern California? Is it food and all the amazing restaurants I try? Is it ASMR? Living a cozy, peaceful lifestyle? Mental health?

Well, I finally figured it out. My niche is this journey of self-love, healing, and discovery. Capturing the moments as I enrich my body and soul, and hopefully inspiring others who also feel alone.

I know I’m not the only one. I am sure millions of people struggle with loneliness. But it doesn’t have to define us. I want to be the proof that you don’t have to let loneliness control or destroy you.

Let it go and be free 🩵✨