THE TRUTH BEHIND MODELING

here’s some insight on the modeling world. currently i am 17, so yes i was a child model. And boy did I think that these issues were all in my head and everyone faces them.

1. NO FUN ~ While modeling, I couldn't remember the last time I went out for fun. My entire childhood I could not snowboard or roller skate: nothing. I wasn't allowed to. But since quitting, I have found what fun actually is.

2. FORCING ANOREXIA ~ I was only allowed to eat certain foods for maybe once or twice a day, eating when I wanted to wasn't allowed since I could become bloated. My main meal time was dinner and that was only because if I was bloated then I wouldn't be bloated in the morning. I began to crave food, causing it to seem like an addiction in my brain: a habit I need to break.

3. CONSTANT PHOTOSHOP ~ when I was younger every photo had to photoshopped. No pores, no wrinkles, no oily hair: nothing. Even our mouths and teeth were photoshopped into perfection. It made looking at these photos and looking in the mirror very diffcult. I would constantly find my 14 year old self asking to the mirror "why do I not have good enoughcurves? What's wrong with my face? How do I lose thigh fat?" Self worth and self love were not mindsets in my childhood life.

4. INSECURITIES ~ Going off the above, insecurities constantly swallowed me whole. My thighs, my face, my hair, my stomach, everything. Nothing was ever good enough. I was never skinny enough.

5. FORGETTING YOUR LIFE ~ I would get invited out by my friends but could never go out. Either because I was working or because eating would be involved. And sometimes my energy levels would be so low I couldn't bear the thought of exiting my home. My life was school, work, then maybe a few hours of sleep.

6. SELF WORTH ~ This kind of goes hand in hand with constant Photoshop. I never saw myself as pretty enough or strong enough or even skinny enough. I would compare myself to other models and how my looks could never compare to theirs. My opinion of myself was purely based off of my agents and possible employers opinions.

7. NO DAYS OFF ~ Sure, we had days off where we didn't work. But there was not one day I was allowed to sleep in or be lazy for a day. I was always starving myself, always taking so many photos, always occupied. One those few days I technically had off, I would be out in my backyard practicing new poses.

8. LOOKS MEAN EVERYTHING ~ I can remember this one time when I had a pimple on my cheek and because makeup couldn't cover the redness, I was fired. They told me my body was screwing me over and that my looks were the only reason people would be interested in viewing their product. "without your looks, you are truly nothing" I remember hearing from that employer who fired me. I went home and cried that night for hours on end. Constantly being judged for something you cannot change or control at such a young age truly hurt me inside and out.

After quitting, I can confidently say that I have regained my smile. My skin began to glow and my stomach could finally understand the feeling of being full. My first full meal made me feel so happy on the inside. While I still suffer with calories and eating the correct amount of food, I am in a much happier mental place.