Where Did It Go Wrong ?
Some days she misses you…
She wonders what’s wrong with herself.
As memories of her childhood abuse plague her.
You were supposed to be her protector.
The man who showed her how other men should treat her ..
You were supposed to be the “example”.
On her sad days, she smirks remembering how she made him laugh…
How he embraced her after picking her up from school and taking her to the mall to walk around as a little girl.
Her memories leave her confused..
Confused wondering why the good times never lasted long?
Why his hits lasted so long..
His anger…
His Despise…
As she grew older the physical abuse stopped but verbal continued.
He hated who she was becoming, knowing her strength and seeing through his lies.
As she learned her strength and found her voice she felt empowered but hurt.
How could someone who is supposed to love her, hate her?
Someone who’s supposed to be her protector mistreat her?
Her power and strength became intimidating, so his rage toward her grew stronger …
One day she had enough and moved away.
But still, she desired his validation.
She felt stupid because she knew she would never get it even though she tried… and tried … and tried…
She tried so much that she became empty and broken, not knowing how to keep whatever was left of her.
As the years passed she had enough..
It took everything out of her to find the courage to block him out.
She wanted to regain her control and become healthier.
She wondered why she put up with the abuse so long even when she moved away.
She became angry with thoughts of normalizing what was not normal..
Time passes, but she still misses him.
She often wonders where it all went wrong.
Childhood trauma can lead to complexities in adult relationships, causing individuals to grapple with conflicting emotions. Many survivors of abuse often endure a cycle of attachment and rejection, longing for the validation they never received while struggling with feelings of unworthiness. Understanding these emotions is pivotal in the healing journey. Survivors may subconsciously seek out patterns that replicate earlier relationships, resulting in continued cycles of pain. Therapy can be a vital resource for breaking these cycles and learning to establish healthier boundaries. Moreover, community support and self-care practices play crucial roles in the recovery process. Individuals can benefit from self-reflection and mindfulness, which help elevate self-worth and develop resilience. Validating one’s own feelings and experiences is essential for nurturing self-love and acceptance. Recognizing that love should not equate to pain is fundamental. By empowering themselves, survivors can redefine what healthy relationships look like and cultivate connections based on respect and understanding.
