Hi, I’m autistic ✨

When I say 'Hi, I'm autistic,' it's more than just a label – it's an entrance into understanding my unique 'autism life.' Living with both autism and ADHD, often called AuDHD, means my brain works a little differently, and while there's so much to explore, I wanted to share a slice of what that really means for me, especially regarding social interactions and self-perception. One of the biggest parts of my neurodivergent experience is what we call 'masking.' It’s like putting on a performance every day to fit into a neurotypical world. Take, for instance, the simple act of a smile. For many, it's automatic. For me, it's often a conscious decision, sometimes even explicitly practiced. I might focus on hand placement during a conversation, trying to appear natural and engaged, even if my mind is racing with a million other thoughts or processing sensory input. It's not about being disingenuous, but rather about navigating social cues that don't come instinctively and managing how I might be perceived. Even something as routine as choosing my glasses can be a calculated move. I'll consider how they contribute to being perceived a certain way – perhaps more approachable, or more studious, depending on the situation. It’s an ongoing process of trying to understand and meet unspoken social expectations, while simultaneously trying to protect my own energy and authenticity. This constant internal monologue and analysis can be exhausting, but it's a fundamental part of my daily 'autism life.' It's like having a complex operating system running in the background, continuously analyzing and adapting. The ADHD side of AuDHD adds another layer of complexity. While autism often brings a need for routine, consistency, and structure, ADHD can introduce impulsivity, restlessness, and significant difficulty with executive functions like planning and organization. It's a fascinating, sometimes frustrating, dance between these two aspects of my brain. One moment I might be hyper-focused on a special interest, diving deep into research for hours, and the next I might be completely distracted by a new, shiny idea, leaving previous tasks unfinished. This blend makes my neurodivergent experience truly unique, and often unpredictable, yet it also offers incredible creativity and problem-solving skills. Embracing my AuDHD identity has been a profound journey of self-discovery. It’s about unmasking, little by little, and allowing myself to be more authentically me, even if it means sometimes being perceived differently. It’s about finding strategies that work for my brain, rather than forcing myself into molds that don't fit. I'm learning to celebrate the unique perspectives and strengths that come with being neurodivergent, and to advocate for myself in a world that isn't always designed for people like me. This journey of understanding my 'autism life' has also highlighted the importance of connection. Finding others who share similar neurodivergent experiences, or simply those who are willing to learn and understand, makes all the difference. It's a continuous process of growth, learning, and advocacy, and I'm always happy to share more or answer questions about what it's like to live as an autistic individual with ADHD.