Part 11: Gayboy baby shower raid
OMG YALL NOT MY BABY SHOWER GETTING RAIDED!!
FIRST OF ALL, SAVE YOUR COMMENTS CUZ ITS NOT MY HOUSE!!
let me put y'all in it real quick.
Me and my friend Zoe & Frasier are THROWING US OUR BABY SHOWER!
So we thought!!
Anyway, they promised they'd have guests GALORE cuz everyone is lined up around the corner already as im peeking out the window.
Y'all not a couple people...
They was lined up like they was here to see reincarnated Elvis that's also pregnant 😂
I mean a least a hundred I can see before the line turns the block.
All of a sudden my husband comes up behind me and lays against me softly with his head in my neck & tells me he's so happy and in love and then after a the extra 3rd 'ur so great" I knew something was up...
He says I realllllllly need you to stay here while I get ur present... Just from me 🥰"
So I told him he could take my car to whereever he was headed - IF HE WAS BACK IN 30 MINUTES!
He promised with a kiss and a smile heading out the door.
I sigh and gather my fatass up off this SUNK IN couch.
Zoe's crazy ass got me feeling like I'm Goldilocks on the 'this bed too soft' one.
I won't even lie - it took me a good 8 minutes to get up... Then I didn't even end up doing it by myself cuz Frasier came out the hallway and seen me struggling...
Y'all, but tell me why this man LIFTS ME - not helps - lifts me up by my arms to my feet & were inches from each other's face and y'all, I thought this dude was gonna kiss me...
I got to lookin in his eyes - searching for answers then all of a sudden I did a lil body shimmy and told him - oh Frasier YOU KNOW I'm...married." and dramatic turn of my head the opposite direction 💀
He steps back and immediately said
"Pardon me sweet cheeks... I see why & how now - how all them straight boys you pulled like a plow... Old times huh?"
Walks away and like it was her cue - here comes Zoe around that same hallway and hands me what I thought was & what she first said was wine.
Then slightly CACKLED in my face - damn near as close as Frasier, now that I think about it 👁️👄👁️
Her drank was definitely hitting lol
But,
Not me pregnant gayboy about to get asked into a 3some AGAIN!
I immediately CHUGGED the drink she gave me - only to find out it was grape juice.
I wasn't even disappointed - it was honestly great... & Great also cuz it got me a distraction til babe got back.
I told her first I needed access to her pantry & fridge & she granted.
I tore up some cold tamales I found I guess leftovers & COVERED them in Chocolate milk syrup stuff I aint had since a KID!
bro, not me finished those & throwing some chocolate syrup on nacho cheese Doritos that I drizzled in the WHOLE bag and shook real good.
I carried it around with me while I was hanging decorations - leaving smudges of chocolate nacho cheese and regret for letting babe go. It's 5pm traffic & he said 30 minutes...
No telling where he's going - for all I know he could be trying on lingerie for me since we are the same size, I mean 🥳
Gayboy delicacy. 💀
Anyway, so I just finished setting out snacks - that I may or may not have already ate half of - then pinned the last thing on the wall which is the banner u see in the pic.
I then hadda run to puke for some reason & then after I was done - I returned to the living room to see Zoe & Frasier on the couch - DRINKING! & they asked, well Zoe did after a whisper in her ear from Frasier, "where's ur husband?? It's been like almost and hour! Everybody's here! Can we let em in??"
I give a eye roll and instant slight nod of approval.
Time for a show - I tell myself.
Y'all, the backyard? PACKED.
The little house? SARDINES!
THE ROAD MY BABE HAD TO TAKE TO GET HOME?! couldnt squeeze my belly nor booty even sideways down them mugs parked so close...
But as I'm standing at the front door now cuz Zoe INSISTED I let everybody get a lucky rub on their way in...
Y'all the second 80 yo lady making a move on me instantly called for that to stop...
But perfect timing cuz I hear my man YELLING & COMING RUNNING THRU THE JAMMED STREET BEST HE CAN AND SAYS
"BRANDON!!! BRANDON!!!"
He is full ass sprint now across the yard HUFFING AND PUFFING LIKE IT WAS MILES OF WALKING/RUNNING!
He said there is a team of POLICE CARS, SWAT VANS & FBI VAN HEADING THRU THE TRAFFIC BEST THEY CAN!"
Me - not believing a word he said til literally as he's finishing
"...best they can!"
In the corner of my eye in the doorway still I seen an officer of the law full body FLIP over 3 hoods of cars like it was nothing. But then THE ARMY!!
some with masks on and some not - a parade of officers towards us & I SHRIEKED!
I grabbed my bag of chocolate Doritos and headed to the bathroom to piss before ANY kinda bs happens & to hopefully just go ahead and climb out this window in here...
I finished & immediately opened the window - only to see boots on the ground heading fast around the house - securing the perimeter.
I heard an officer say "hey! Hands up now!"
I gasped and said "I'm pregnant don't shoot!!"
And acted like I threw my hands up - only to slam and lock the window shut and waddle-ran back into the CHAOS in the living room. My man is being smashed against the wall & asked
"Where's it at? Let's make this easy folks!"
These randoms being escorted out ASAP but babe Zoe & Frasier in handcuffs...
But once people seen a guy with my belly like that - everything froze! I could've dropped a pen and it would've wrote their whole report for them with all the noise it would've carried!
I smile and slightly chuckle and the female officer that has FBI on her back - turns her head to the officer behind her and said with a snicker "gayboy from okc... Poppin on Facebook being pregnant with his man? You really don't know?"
Well - okay hold up, maybe I added alil to what she said just a second ago but you get it!
So she comes over & asked to pat me down & I told her "just don't grab my thang up under my belly... I ain't seen it in 2 months now - Im hoping it'll work after labor..."
She does a disgusting sigh and waved 'Jackson' to pat me down nice...
And oof yes he did... Literally slid his thumb UP MY CRACK YALL! And I about slapped him before he said
"Y'all need to tell us where the drugs are! Now!"
We literally are all looking scared & still confused... So y'all...
I wing it...
I tell em
"Ugh... Ok fine... Go to the bathroom. Open the door slowly.. go to the cabinet opposite side of the shower. Top shelf - you'll find the goodies. "
And a DRAMATIC head turn to seal the wheel.
I hear and officer yell back to everyone in the room
"It's... It's just a bag of Doritos with chocolate on them?!"
The guy that patted me down is now furious & said
"Y'all need to tell me where the PREGO GAYBOYS ARE RIGHT N-..."
He froze as he heard it out loud same time as us - just coming in hot thinking Prego GAYBOYS was some kind of new form of Molly.
They got the report earlier from somebody in the mix of like 33 calls about the street completely closed in...
So they took the high somebody shot them up with & rode to calvary to find an actual gayboy pregnant...
Y'all we was out of cuffs and apologized to like I've never seen before...
They apologize for tearing up the place and they're slowly heading out the door now one by one.
Before they got I'm telling them my info just in case they need a follow up to these rookies here in the pic with me...
I had them writing down my high schools phone number & a Wendy's off nw 23rd st's addy for my home & mailing...
Then I started telling them about how I'm going to be famous soon and that's why my hands are in there. Now wave em to react follow & share like you just don't care. Gayboy dululu flair not going nowhere! 😂🥰
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Gayboy Pregnancy Chronicles
This baby shower story is a rare and amusing glimpse into the lives of queer couples embracing pregnancy and family life uniquely and authentically. The unexpected raid by multiple law enforcement agencies highlights not only the chaos that can spring up around well-meaning celebrations but also the societal misunderstandings surrounding non-traditional families. Pregnant gay men, though still uncommon in mainstream narratives, represent a growing wave of LGBTQ+ family building through various means like surrogacy or shared parenting. Stories like this one bring visibility to their joys and challenges — from quirks like unconventional baby shower snacks (chocolate syrup on tamales and nacho cheese Doritos!) to the hilarious yet embarrassing run-ins with authorities misinterpreting what’s happening. Moreover, community support shines through here with friends Zoe and Frasier orchestrating the event and bringing humor and companionship. The viral nature of this post attests to how audiences crave genuine, relatable content portraying LGBTQ+ experiences beyond stereotypes. The “GRATULATIC BABY!” banner in the image symbolizes celebration despite the surrounding madness and a real sense of family and identity. The author’s candor, self-deprecating humor, and vivid storytelling invite readers into a warm, authentic narrative filled with love, chaos, and resilience. Readers engaging with this story can relate to the unpredictability of life’s milestones and the importance of embracing diversity in family formation. It reminds us all that celebrations, no matter how disrupted, hold meaning and bring people together in unexpected ways. The viral diary aspect also underlines how social media empowers underrepresented voices to share their journeys, creating empathy and community online. Finally, this tale underscores the evolving definitions of parenthood and family. Intersectional LGBTQ+ stories like these enrich cultural understanding and highlight the everyday realities behind identity labels. Sharing such personal experiences serves as both entertainment and social education, helping to normalize diverse family dynamics globally.
