Part 15: mother in law gayboy pregnant chaos
OMG y'all... Buckle up for this one.
My mother in law SCREAMED at me & spoke in tongues...
And anointed my house...
Ok let me start from the beginning.
So those who don't know, me and my husband Jacob got married after knowing each other about a month.
Only because he impregnated me somehow in only TWO times exposing myself to him.
Here I am gayboy. Pregnant. No help with my daily frustrations or delusions. So I ride them out then write them out for you here on Facebook.
So I'm having a normal day. Laying on the couch eating a hot pocket I heated up last night and forgot about on the end table.
Still good.
Sipping the rest of my - also from last night - Capri Sun...
And the rest of babes too, I won't lie.
He's in the shower, getting ready for the day as I should be.
Instead, I'm laying here, belly out, thinking about what I'm finna make for breakfast.
Or matter fact better yet - what I'm gonna have babe make when he gets out since I got a headache. 😉
French toast with cottage cheese & Parmesan again maybe?
Or eggs & hot links with miracle whip as a dip?
Idek.
Cuz all of a sudden - I hear a knock.
It's my mother in law Martha, and she's 4 hours early. It's 815am.
She's supposed to be here at lunch!
I immediately JUMPED up instantly. Then like I levitated at the sound of the doorbell going off.
I knew babe wouldn't be long now but I'm panicking.
I immediately run back and forth from the door then almost to the bedroom to ask babe if I should open it or not.
Then, I hear my front door come open and a sigh of relief from Martha as she says
"Knock knock!! I hope y'all arent at making another baby! It's not possible if sh- he's already pregnant."
Then to herself alittle
"Then again who knew a gayboy would get pregnant?"
I'm hiding behind the bedroom door listening to her pull her suitcase in the door & shut it.
Water still running - I peek around slowly & y'all like the worst scary movie I've ever been in in my life -
As soon as I slowly creep my head around the door frame - Martha immediately jumped out from the edge super close.
Must've snuck up being nosey.
Well, I went with the dramatics.
It did kinda scare me but after this - she prolly won't try it again.
She goes instantly in my line of sight & way closer than the door:
"Boo!"
Hands up on a tiger pounce like stance.
Y'all, I SCREAMED the DEADLIEST scream I've ever managed to let out as I jumped to lay flat on my back in the table by the bed.
Luckily, thin as cardboard, it snapped underneath me.
The alarm clock went flying, the glass of water stuck straight up in my back like it was trying to re-home inside of me.
After i started crying - still winging it - I realized Martha was in complete shock!
She had her mouth wide open, eyes wide open, PHD looking wide.
Pentecostal HairDo that is.
Stuck. Staring at her pregnant son in law on the ground bawling over a broke table and water running onto a plugged in alarm clock.
I'm wailing as I figure a way to help myself up.
I grab the sheets of the bed and pull - only to slip back down slowly...
At this point I let out a
"WHY ME?!!"
And was standing to my feet as babe finally emerged from the bathroom - inches from us.
He looks at us both and with his towel wrapped around his waist & a giggle said
"So... Mom ur early?...
And babe, you are too?? WITH THE DANG THEATRICS! YOU HAD TO BREAK MY $433 ST LAURENT BEDSIDE TABLE?!"
I instantly stopped crying & his mom literally still in the same stuck position.
Even with me having got up now and moving to the closet to grab my nearest medium sized suitcase... Yeah I'm GONE!
BUT - his momma? Still staring mouth and eyes wide at that same smushed table.
He realizes I'm committed to it as I'm packing my toothpaste and booty shorts that hardly even button anymore.
I'm saying
"... And that won't even COVER HALF OF IT! BY THE TIME THIS KID STARTS SCHOOL HE WILL BE IN LOUIS VUITTON SWEATERS AND PULLING UP WITH ME IN MY GRAND WAGONEER WITH HOW MUCH YOU BE MAKING!!"
I smashed my messy yet packed full suitcase to zip it up and he walks over to me & grabs my face and kisses me slow.
Tells me he loves how crazy I am cuz he gets a show everyday of his life now being married to me.
I lighten up and tell him it's okay for not asking if I'm fine before accusing me of being dramatic.
But right after I did - he let's go of me and goes to tend to his mom.
I changed shirts from being wet with the water & I seen this footprint on my belly!! Y'all I came out of the closet (pun intended)
And seen his mom coming to like she just awoke from general anesthesia & letting go of the door frame.
Mouth still kinda open - they both look at me as I pop out and say
"Look! My baby is gonna be born not regular!! He'll have to deal with a SHIT LIFE telling everybody he's just "born this way!
And two daddies to sell the chaotic fantasy life of sons future!! Yippee Jacob!! You did this!!"
His mother gasped so loud her top teeth fell down from the suction.
Babe? By now I've learned two things about him.
He loves me and will never leave me. And two?... He faints at ANY not-normal things that happen with me and my pregnant boy self...
So as soon as he sees the kick print? Down goes Frasier....
His mom tho? Y'all she didn't miss...
Not one spot or word in prayer cuz she immediately went to speaking in tongues of no man.
She's habba babbaing around my house - hands and arms going everywhere like somebody just twisted her stick to wind her up...
Then, as babe is coming to, she's in her purse - still ashunda-bedeny-ing to herself almost as she pulls a little vial out.
Still going, she holds it up to the light as if to confirm thats it...
She busts its seal & IMMEDIATELY started touching corners, doorways, walls, my man waking up fully to see all this, then finally me.
She touched my head then did the cross over me - all while saying whatever she was between her and The Lord.
She finished in a slow wind down - crossing herself and forehead as her words finished slowly.
Out of breath or possibly different syllables to run together - she stops and looks up from her hands.
Breathing kinda hard she says
"We gotta get you some help."
My man stands up & asked to be filled in - even tho he always eventually remembers quickly.
She is pulling me by my arm and trying to guide me to the car.
Almost stuck on a trance.
My man stands in front of her and tells her it's okay - its all normal stuff like this around here.
She looks at me and says
"So you won't go to the Dr to get my grandchild checked up?? It looks like he slammed your stomach lining after being rear ended by a semi!!"
I told her I'm positive - I'll take a hot bath or maybe drink a little castor oil for the pain
& She looks at me like I wished death on her and says
"Oh no no.. that's the devil again! I must go!! Any woma- man! Man!! That can deliver a baby rushed? Must be a parent we don't trust!!"
I'm lost as could be too, but she's gathering her suitcase & composure as she heads towards and out the door...
But not without a look back to me in disbelief and says
"Go get checked out son...
If he's got a concussion from your WWE stunts - won't you feel bad nothing going for help when mommy said to?"
And with that she walks out and my man shuts and locks the door behind her...
I slam down on the couch & pick up where I left off before all that - as I see babe is heading that way anyway:
"babe!! Cook me some french toast the way I like em? After all that I gotta fat headache... I need a rest." 😉🤭😭🤣
5 minutes later - babes prepping & I heard his phone buzz as I take the last bite of hot pocket...
Babes half eaten - I assume from last night too 😨😜
His phone buzzed with a text from 'mommy':
"Son, the demon might be in his amniotic fluid... Get help ASAP!"
Y'all, what she gonna do when she find out I'm an ordained minister?! 💀
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Gayboy Pregnancy Chronicles
Storytime
This chapter vividly captures the unpredictable dynamics that can arise in unconventional family situations, especially when personal identities and unexpected pregnancies intersect. The surprise early visit from the mother-in-law, Martha, sets off a comedic yet tense chain of events—screaming, speaking in tongues, and anointing the house—highlighting her deeply religious background clashing with the realities of a gayboy pregnancy. Situations like this are not just about humor but also delve into the complex emotions experienced by LGBTQ+ individuals navigating family acceptance and pregnancy. The author’s candid storytelling sheds light on the struggles and humorous coping mechanisms used when facing judgment or misunderstanding from loved ones. In many LGBTQ+ families, open communication and educating relatives can ease tensions. This story’s chaotic yet loving interaction underlines the importance of patience and empathy in bridging generational and cultural gaps. The vivid description of everyday moments—pondering breakfast, sharing burdens with a partner, and reacting to surprise visits—adds authenticity and relatability. Moreover, the mother-in-law’s actions, though eccentric, reveal a protective instinct, albeit expressed through an intense religious lens. The mention of speaking in tongues and using a vial for house anointing represents Pentecostal traditions, signaling cultural or religious backgrounds that influence family reactions in unique ways. For readers, this episode is not only entertaining but also informative about the challenges faced by LGBTQ+ parents-to-be who often deal with societal and familial misconceptions. It underscores the power of love and humor as tools for resilience. The author’s playful tone, paired with snippets like preparing French toast or hot pockets, creates an engaging UGC-style narrative that connects deeply with audiences. Overall, this part reinforces how unconventional pregnancies within LGBTQ+ relationships can inspire both chaos and connection in families, encouraging readers to appreciate diverse family experiences with compassion and laughter.