Something I wrote a couple years ago. 🫶🏻
Indescribable feelings.
Why is it when your lying in bed trying to go to sleep when the thoughts of every person and every memory that has ever hurt you come flooding to your mind? It’s this feeling that is indescribable. This feeling that you just push down trying to never have to feel it again. Until one day, one moment, one thought, one person just shows up and that feeling creeps out of you like a lion after waiting and hiding for its prey. You see, when a lion wants to attack a certain animal it will hide away wherever it can not be seen. The animal does not see it coming. They are just walking past and all of the sudden, BOOM, their getting attacked. The animal tries to get away but it’s too late. The animal knows that they are the prey. Maybe the animal has been warned by their family or friends that they are the prey and they need to be on the watch and be prepared. This is my perspective on feelings. We know that we’ve had them before. We have certain tactics on “getting rid of them”. For me it’s, “Oh, I don’t like this feeling so I’m just going to forget about”. News flash, forgetting about it isn’t a thing when it comes to feelings. Yes, we can sometimes not think about them for a moment but we can’t ever forget about a certain feeling. I try and camouflage the feelings I don’t like just like the lion does. That one day, that one moment, that one thought, that one person (they prey) comes along, BOOM, your attacked. Your not only attacked by that feeling but everything else that comes with it. The pain, the anger, the hurt, the memories. Your attacked with it all at once. Like I said, the feeling is indescribable. It’s kind of like your every time you stand up you get pushed down again and it keeps happening over and over again. Or you just learned how to ride a bike, then you hit a hill and can’t stop. I’m tired of this feeling. I hate this feeling. I want to get rid of it. I need to get rid of it. The only way is Jesus. Jesus died on the cross to take all of the pain, anger, and hurt. He went through it all so we don’t have to. Why let Him doing that go to waste in our lives. He died for us so we could live for Him. We need to give all of those feelings to Him so we don’t have to have this indescribable hurt that keeps us awake at night. So we don’t have to be the prey anymore. I’m tired of being the prey to my feelings that I try to get rid of. Jesus please take them away!!! I’m tired. I want to go to sleep. I don’t want to always be on the look out for the predator that I let live inside of me. Jesus is the lion that will attack all of the attempts of the devil from now on. And he won’t see it coming.
Feelings can often overwhelm us, especially in quiet moments when we find ourselves reflecting on past experiences. This phenomenon, often referred to as intrusive thoughts, may bring to surface pain, anger, and hurt that we've tried to suppress. Many have experienced those sleepless nights when memories form a flood, overwhelming us like a storm. It’s essential to recognize that trying to forget or camouflage these emotions is a facade; they don’t simply disappear. Instead, they accumulate until an event or a person triggers them, leading to an emotional avalanche. The analogy of the lion stalking its prey reflects the reality of our vulnerabilities. Just as the animal is often unaware of the impending danger, we can be blind to our unresolved emotions. Seeking support through faith, therapy, or open conversations can help us confront these emotions head-on. Embracing our feelings rather than evading them is a significant step in healing. All emotions, even the painful ones, serve a purpose: they teach us, mold us, and ultimately lead us to deeper understanding and connection. For those who find solace in faith, turning to prayer or spiritual guidance can also provide comfort and clarity. Recognizing that we don’t have to bear these burdens alone can be liberating. Just as Jesus faced our pains, we can lean into that support, asking for strength to surrender our struggles. This process can transform our relationship with our feelings from one of fear to one of acceptance and resilience. Approaching our emotions with compassion allows us to reclaim our peace of mind and rest confidently, no longer fearing the predator of our past.