Teaching Kindness When Others Aren’t Kind Back
We left a hangout with friends we hadn’t seen in a bit , and as we got in the car I asked my 2-year-old if she had fun. She said “yes,” but I could tell it wasn’t her usual joyful yes. So I gently asked again if she liked playing with the kids and reminded her she could be honest with me. That’s when she told me she was sad.
She explained, in her sweet little voice, that one of the girls was “mad” at her, that they wouldn’t play with her, and that they even pushed her out of the toy car they were all playing with. She kept repeating that it made her sad, and my heart shattered hearing her say it. This was the first time she has ever told me that other kids were mean to her and that it hurt her feelings.
I tried to stay strong, but I couldn’t hold back my tears. It’s heartbreaking to hear your little one experience exclusion for the first time—especially when you know how kind, imaginative, and wonderful they are. What I hold onto, though, is knowing that this isn’t her usual experience. Every other time she plays with kids—whether it’s at church, at the playground, or with other friends—she is welcomed and included. Other kids gravitate to her kindness and imagination.
The hardest part is the dilemma of what to say to my daughter. She’s only 2. How do I explain to her that sometimes people are mean, but that has nothing to do with her? How do I help her understand that she doesn’t need to change herself or try harder to be accepted by them? That she should keep being the sweet, kind, imaginative little girl she is—and that she’ll find people who love her exactly as she is.
At this age, I can only hold her close and reassure her. But I know these conversations will grow as she does, and I want her to always know her worth. To never chase the approval of those who exclude her. To always be the light, even when others choose not to be.
It’s hard when you realize you can’t protect them from every hurt. All I can do is guide her, remind her of who she is, and keep planting those seeds of kindness and confidence—even when she’s too little to fully understand. #parenting #motherhood #toddler #momlife #raisingkingdomkids
Experiencing exclusion or unkindness can be deeply confusing and painful for young children, especially toddlers who are just beginning to form social bonds. As parents, it’s vital to create a supportive environment where your child feels safe to express their emotions without judgement. Encouraging open communication, like gently asking if they had fun or if anything upset them—as you did—helps your toddler name and process their feelings early on. Teaching kindness during these moments involves leading by example and reinforcing the value of empathy. Simple actions such as role-playing social situations or reading books about friendship and emotions can help toddlers understand others' feelings and develop compassion. It’s important to explain gently that sometimes people act mean, but that this behavior does not reflect on your child or their worth. Helping your toddler recognize their intrinsic value is key to fostering resilience. Remind them regularly that they are loved unconditionally and that being kind is a strength, not a guarantee that everyone will always treat them nicely. This lesson builds healthy self-esteem and prepares them for future social interactions. Moreover, parents can advocate for inclusive play by organizing small, supervised gatherings where children can practice sharing and cooperation in a nurturing setting. This proactive approach not only models kindness but allows your child to build friendships where their imagination and gentleness are celebrated. Remember, it’s okay to acknowledge your own feelings of sadness or frustration. Sharing that you also feel upset when others are unkind—and demonstrating healthy ways to respond—provides a realistic and comforting example for your toddler. Ultimately, guiding a child through difficult social experiences while planting seeds of kindness helps them become confident, empathetic individuals who shine even when others don’t. These early conversations and supportive actions lay a strong foundation for emotional intelligence that will benefit them throughout life.