Letter to my mom (who missed my wedding)
Dear Mama,
This photo was taken just over 8 years ago, April 2017, one of the oldest photos of us together on my phone. You and Dad had come all the way from Pittsburgh, PA to Providence, RI for my Senior Show, the culmination of my 4 years at art school. At the time, things were also a bit tense between us. Nevertheless, you seemed pretty proud of me despite how much you disliked my life choices.
Things seemed to improve a bit over the years...but now I realize that wasn't true healing. That was just avoidance, mixed with your intermittent rants against my faith and against God. I felt so stifled, always feeling like I was living under your thumb, always trying to please you, always considering your feelings before my own. When you were happy, you were a delight! But when you were upset...well, I felt scared.
In October 2023, you practically exploded when I told you I'd started dating Jordan. I didn't even say anything about getting married! But you rushed ahead, you kept saying you'd never be able to accept this. You told me it would never work out, he and I were too different. You told me I didn't want my family anymore. Is it any wonder why I told you I was afraid of you? Any wonder why we don't talk anymore?
This past January, Dad told me not to send you two a wedding invitation. And even though I knew this was the most likely outcome, I still cried. I have shed more tears for you and him than you can ever imagine. I have prayed so hard, begged God for you. But on that fateful day, March 24, you were not there. The last time I heard from you, you were all the way in Antarctica, running away from this reality. So I had my family by choice walk me down the aisle.
This year was the first time I didn't call you on Mother's Day. I'm not ready for that...especially when things have been radio silent since the week or two before the wedding. But I hope Jordan and my gift speaks to you in a way my words alone can't. With the little strength I could muster, I made the first move, extended the olive branch. How will you respond?
I'm tired of living in fear. Instead, I choose to live in the hope of our reconciliation, forgiveness, and true healing. I pray with all my heart you will choose the same. Even if I never hear from you again, I love you forever.
Your little treasure,
Cathy ❤️🩹
Navigating family relationships can be challenging, especially when misunderstandings arise and tensions escalate. The emotional weight of absence—be it due to physical distance or unresolved conflicts—can leave profound impacts. In times of major life events like weddings, the presence of family can either bring immense joy or underscore deep-rooted issues. It’s not uncommon for individuals to feel pressure to conform to family expectations while striving for their own happiness. Themes of forgiveness and healing emerge as crucial elements in mending fractured relationships. Engaging in open dialogues about emotions can foster a healthier connection and promote understanding. Many seek counseling or guidance to navigate these turbulent waters, finding solace in shared experiences. As the story unfolds, it serves as a reminder that love, albeit complicated, often requires vulnerability and patience to flourish. Readers might find resonance in moments of hurt and love, recognizing the necessity of embracing vulnerability in their journeys towards healing. Discussing feelings, even within the safety of written letters, can initiate a path toward understanding and reconciliation.
Thank you for sharing. Praying for you ❤️ For years I’ve been in a similar situation. Both of my brothers passed and my mother puts everything on me and causes me a lot of heartache. So, I had to put some boundaries in place and she decided she was “done” with me. I pray continuously about it but I have to protect my peace.