To my son I’ll never really know why you chose me, but just know I prayed for you💯 one day I got on my knees and I talked to God (simply just venting to him) I told him I just wanted to feel real genuine love, love that was soft but the impact is strong‼️my life was already a mess but something inside of me had really broke… I allowed ppl to break me down bit by bit piece by piece..I acted out of character (really just losing myself) then boom a few months later I find out I’m pregnant.. torn between wanting you and truly terrified to have you became my next battle 😮💨 and I prayed and I prayed even more my faith got test again and again all while pregnant.. most days I felt alone, I felt unheard, unseen…all until I felt you move inside me… I cried so much w/you I felt so bad bc ik you could feel everything I was feeling and I felt like I was being a bad mom already bc I was letting things really get to me knowing I was high risk pregnancy (I should have tuned everything out and just focused on us) easier said then done tho.. I’m balling my eyes out rn as I hold you in my arms bc I really don’t know how I got so lucky to have you. Loving on you heals small parts of me everyday.. bc when you see me your eyes light up and your smile is so beautiful and gummy 🥰 and that smile lets me know that even when my world is falling apart you don’t see that… you see me son you see mommy.. you see me and not my mistakes. I might not have it all figured out but let’s just keep being patient with each other 🩵🤞🏾 I love you so much son and thank you God for trusting me w/someone so precious and innocent 😇
Pregnancy can be an emotional rollercoaster, especially when facing uncertainties like a high-risk condition. From my own experience, there were days filled with fear and loneliness, much like what the author describes. Yet, feeling those first movements of the baby inside was a turning point — a powerful reminder that life continues despite our struggles. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed, and sometimes, even guilty for not being the 'perfect' parent. However, these feelings are part of the human experience, and embracing them with patience is key. The author’s reflection on praying and seeking genuine love resonates deeply. Prayers or moments of quiet reflection can offer incredible comfort and strength. The photograph capturing the baby at four months—"ZAKAI ELDER 4 MONTHS To 4 months"—illustrates how quickly newborns grow and change. Cherishing each smile and milestone helps heal emotional wounds and fills gaps that hardship may have created. A baby's innocent joy can bring hope and renew faith in the future. For anyone on a similar path, know that it’s okay to reach out for support, focus on self-care, and allow healing to happen naturally. Love, even when uncertain or imperfect, can transform both parent and child. The bond formed through patience and understanding becomes the foundation for a nurturing environment where both can thrive. Ultimately, motherhood is not about perfection but about presence, love, and the willingness to learn alongside your child. Holding your baby close as tears fall, like the author shares, is a profound expression of that transformative love.