Starting another 21 day diary challenge
Dear Lemon8 Diary,
One thing that 2024 has taught me is that being a people pleaser will get you to a lot of places… but nowhere good. I used to think being likable is what would save me from being hated, ostracized, or bullied. When in reality the more likable I tried to become the more vulnerable I was to being used as a punching bag. The more I tried to conform the more I disliked myself. The more available I made myself to people the more people believed that their access to me was their right, an entitlement— instead of a privilege. I’ve. Had. Enough. And during these last moments where I’ve had enough and reached my breaking point I would crash out, lash out, cry, scream, try to escape in ways that weren’t healthy and only hurt me more. And as i struggled in my own self undoing— those I tried to please, those whose love I was working so desperately for to no avail, would sit and watch. Smug that “they were right about me”.
No one deserves your power but you. It’s so important that we understand that there is a beauty in not explaining yourself. There are people in this world who are committed to misunderstanding you and the more you try to explain your side the more rope you are giving to hang yourself with. I’m gentle. I’m sensitive. I’m a lover. But do not have me confused for someone you can manipulate. Do not confuse me for someone you can over power. And if you think I’m weak, you’ve made a terrible mistake.
Your demons are YOUR problem, not mine. And you cannot get rid of them by passing them on to me. You will have to sit and face how you let yourself get to where you are in the first place. I am so so soft. But I am ruthless.
💛Love,
Charlee
It's truly eye-opening to read about the journey of letting go of people-pleasing. So many of us have been there, feeling like we're constantly giving pieces of ourselves away just to be accepted or avoid conflict. The realization that being a people-pleaser often leads to being undervalued, or even used as a 'punching bag,' is a tough pill to swallow, but it's also the first step towards reclaiming your power. I used to think that saying 'yes' to everyone meant I was a good person, that it would earn me love and respect. Instead, I found myself exhausted, resentful, and losing touch with who I truly was. That feeling of being vulnerable, of having your generosity taken for granted, is incredibly isolating. It makes you question your worth and your place in the world. But as this diary entry powerfully reminds us, no one deserves your power but you. One of the most striking phrases that resonated with me is the idea of being able to say, 'I am the softest and most ruthless I have ever been.' This isn't about being unkind; it's about a fierce self-compassion. It means you can be gentle, sensitive, and full of love, yet possess an unshakeable resolve to protect your peace and your boundaries. It's about understanding that your kindness is a gift, not an obligation, and refusing to let anyone manipulate that generosity. Being 'ruthless' in this context means being uncompromising when it comes to your self-respect and well-being. So, how do we start to embody this 'soft and ruthless' approach? It begins with setting clear boundaries. This isn't easy, especially if you're used to putting others first. Start small. Perhaps it's saying 'no' to an extra task you don't have time for, or declining an invitation that doesn't align with your needs. It's about learning to communicate your limits calmly and clearly, without over-explaining or apologizing excessively. Remember, you don't owe anyone an elaborate justification for prioritizing yourself. Another crucial step is to recognize that your feelings and needs are valid. You don't need to explain yourself to those who are determined to misunderstand you. Your energy is precious, and spending it trying to convince someone of your worth is a losing battle. Instead, invest that energy into building a 'safe space' for yourself, whether that's through supportive friendships, a therapist, or even a community like Lemon8 where you can share your journey and find solidarity. Choosing yourself is an ongoing process, a continuous commitment to honoring who you are. It's a challenging path, but it's also the most liberating one.
this is beautiful 😍😩🥹