Ep2: Married but excluded
Ep 2 TLDR: I found out that my husband had scheduled a family trip with his parents over Christmas and New Year’s Eve without my awareness.
Story: I was planning events and looking through both our calendars. I saw he had blocked out Christmas to New Years Eve as “Family trip”.
Surprised, he did not tell / consult me at all..
I wasn’t going to join because after joining for two years I realised it’s not worth the effort + I fell out with his parents. But he decided to plan and book that flight, leaving me all alone on these important festivals without even telling me. Was he intending to tell me the night before when he packs?
Ofc I confronted him, he said yes everyone had booked a flight. And no one bothered to ask him to check with me? And he “reasoned” it with “because I was focusing on shielding you from all events that we were supposed to go”….
First of all…
1. It’s freaking Christmas and New Year’s Eve! Not International Cats day or Chocolate day. And he didn’t think that if he were to make ANY plans at all he should let me know??
2. I mean come on, his parents has conveniently forgotten that he is married? Why would they pick these PH when they know I will not be joining. Just so purposeful given the bad blood that occured 6 mths ago. And they conveniently planned around that time that okay let’s go on a trip without her on special occasions and leave her without her husband. See who shall win the son 🙄 From my husband’s response, I cok sure was his mother who chose those date, totally sounds like that passive aggressive “I can’t get you on the surface, let me set this up” bitch.
3. Even if I give them the benefit of doubt - for the remaining 350+ days of the year they are not available, isn’t it basic courtesy that if you invite someone who is married to go on ANYTHING even if it’s a dinner on a SPECIAL PH, you would ask if their partners are okay? I specifically asked my husband, did anyone reminded you to come check with ur wife? He quietly said no. OMG the level of disrespect! Is this even real!
4. What does he mean by “supposed to go”. Oh I’m supposed to go on every event and trips that his family organises? They had treated me like trash but I’m supposed to attend all their plans and needed my heroic husband to shield me? Major gaslighting ☄️
5. Hammer to the nail: my husband knew he was wrong and came to apologise (after having to sit through an hr long of excuses he could come up with). I asked him if he can see that that’s the way his family is treating me, he kept quiet, refused to acknowledge and became evermore defensive and said “I mean it’s give and take right… they also bought you medication from Seoul”. OMG I FLIPPED! The “medication” - melatonin supplements, were the result of the mental stress his family has caused me. I did not asked for them to buy, my husband went ahead to ask them to buy and I told him I refuse. He persuaded me and agreed that it comes with NO STRINGS ATTACHED. But bloody hell the strings were attached over my head like I’m a freaking puppet. What was he expecting? For me to thank them for buying the sleep aids that they have caused me to need them in the first place?? I told him I will not be taking any of those and threw them away.
He… decided that he then shall be angry with me because I am unappreciative 🤦🏻♀️
Why does this marriage make me feel like I’m watching my own back against my own husband. Shouldn’t it be a home where I can rest and be protected? 😪
Reflecting on this experience, I realized how important open communication and mutual respect are in a marriage, especially when it comes to family events. It’s painful to be left out of significant occasions like Christmas and New Year’s Eve, times when couples usually support each other and celebrate together. I think it’s common for spouses to want to shield each other from difficult family dynamics, but it shouldn’t come at the cost of transparency. Being excluded without any warning made me feel isolated and disrespected—like I was invisible in my own marriage. It also made me question the boundaries between my husband’s family and our relationship. From my experience, dealing with in-law conflicts requires both empathy and clear communication. If you’re planning trips or events that involve family, consulting your partner first is crucial—especially on special occasions. This not only shows respect but helps prevent misunderstandings and feelings of exclusion. I also learned that gestures like receiving medication or gifts linked to family-related stress can feel like strings attached rather than genuine care. It’s important for couples to acknowledge when family actions cause emotional strain and support each other unconditionally. Ultimately, a marriage should be a safe space where both partners feel protected and valued. If you’ve ever felt left out by a partner’s family plans or experienced similar exclusion, know you’re not alone. It’s okay to address these feelings honestly and seek support while navigating complex family relationships.
Hi, I just saw this, but please start to consider divorce immediately. It's very clear your husband is a mummy's boy and he will always put his parents, especially his mother, first. He will never put you first and will never stand up for you, even though his parents are in the wrong. OP, please run immediately. His parents are going to be even worse if you decide to have children with him because they will still control his life and his choices.