your standards aren’t what you think
i used to think i had standards.
i had a list.
things i required from people.
things i expected from relationships.
and for a long time
i called that a standard.
it wasn't.
it was a complaint
with better language.
a standard isn't what you require from them.
it's what you refuse to violate in yourself.
and once you hold it —
really hold it —
you stop needing to manage other people.
they manage themselves.
right out of your life
or deeper into it.
both outcomes are correct.
— author
When I first heard about the idea that "your standards aren’t what you think," it really changed how I viewed my relationships and self-worth. Like the author, I used to maintain a checklist of what I expected from others—certain behaviors, respect, and commitment. But over time, I realized that what I thought were "standards" were more like demands or complaints about how others should behave. The real insight lies in shifting the focus from controlling or managing others to setting non-negotiable boundaries within yourself. For me, this meant recognizing and holding firm to values like honesty, kindness, and self-respect. When I committed to these as personal standards, it stopped feeling exhausting to constantly manage or monitor others. People naturally aligned with me or drifted away, which was both liberating and clarifying. Holding such standards helped me grow emotionally and improved the quality of my relationships. It gave me the confidence to say no to interactions that didn’t meet my personal integrity. It’s a deeper form of self-respect that doesn't depend on how others act but on how you refuse to accept less from yourself. I also found that this approach positively affected my masculinity perceptions and emotional maturity. Instead of proving myself through external validations or controlling others, I found strength in living my standards authentically. It allowed for healthier communication and more genuine connections without resentment or manipulation. In the context of relationships—whether friendships, romantic partnerships, or family—the shift from expecting things outwardly to honoring inward standards creates space for mutual respect. When both parties manage themselves with their own standards, it leads to natural balance and deeper bonds. This perspective really echoes the hashtag "#cuffed" not just as a state of being tied down but choosing to be connected authentically based on true self-respect. The idea of managing oneself first, rather than managing others, can transform how we experience relationships and masculinity today.
🔥🔥 LOVE, LOVE THIS!! 🤗