Friend won’t speak to me..help
My long-time friend, Rachel ,has been married for 12 years and they've been trying to have a baby for as long as I can remember. Rachel can get pregnant, but no matter what, she always miscarries or has an early stillbirth. She has had almost 20 pregnancies and losses. I feel so awful for her, all she wants is a baby to love.
The last time she was pregnant, she made it to 21 weeks before the baby died. I don't know the full medical diagnosis (I haven't asked and she never offered), but she has apparently been told she may have a genetic defect and may never carry a child to term. But she keeps trying.
She has pushed away friends and family because she is so obsessed with having a baby. It anyone has suggested she just stop trying, she cuts them out of her life.
The other day, she found out she was pregnant, and when she told me, I just couldn't muster up the energy to be happy for her. I just feel sad that the same thing is going to happen. The baby is going to die. She could tell I wasn't exactly ecstatic and asked me what was up. I asked her if she had given any more thought to adoption in case this pregnancy didn't work out, and she exploded.
She called me everything in the book and told me she never wanted to talk to me again, and I would never see her baby. I'm at a loss. I know now that I shouldn't have suggested adoption, as it's none of my business, but it's wearing on me to always have to hear about another loss.
Besides that, I truly believe she needs intensive therapy as she's never processed the losses, she just moves on to trying for another.
Do I try to salvage the friendship, or let her go?
Friendship can often be tested during difficult times, and losing communication with someone you care about can be painful. If you've found yourself in a situation where a friend has stopped talking to you, it's crucial to reflect on the circumstances leading to this silence. In sensitive cases, like dealing with pregnancy loss, emotions run high, and reactions can be intense. It is vital to remember that a person grieving often requires compassion and understanding, not unsolicited advice. Consider the following strategies for mending the rift: Give them space but remain open for dialogue, showing that you still care. Write a heartfelt message expressing your support without pushing them to discuss their feelings if they are not ready. Educate yourself about their situation to better understand their perspective, and reach out when you feel it’s appropriate, perhaps after some time has passed. It may also be helpful to suggest professional counseling or therapy as a means to cope with grief—this can sometimes encourage a more open conversation. Ultimately, while you may wish to salvage the friendship, the priority should be on respecting their needs and emotional process. Healing from such a loss can take time, and while your friendship may evolve, it is possible to emerge from this experience with a deeper understanding and empathy.
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