Told my dad to pay his own trip
my dad has always favored my brother—like no joke, he celebrates everything my brother does but barely acknowledges my milestones. When I graduated and hosted him, he whispered to my mom that he wished he stayed home because dinner was “too expensive” and our bed wasn’t comfy. I overheard that while I was literally giving up my own bed for him.
Fast forward, I’m working on my business now and he randomly goes, “If you ever want to gift us a holiday or a car, don’t feel like you have to spend too much.” HUH??? Sir, you’ve got a job. Why is it always assumed I’ll pay for things?
So I told him straight up: “You can pay for your own holiday, you’ve got a job.”
It’s been awkward ever since. But like… was I wrong?
#AskLemon8 #Letschat #ToxicParents #FamilyBoundaries #RealTalk
Oh, I completely get where you're coming from! Dealing with parental financial expectations, especially when you feel there's a history of favoritism, is incredibly challenging. It's easy to feel guilt-tripped or wonder if you're in the wrong, but trust me, you're not alone in setting boundaries. Many of us face similar situations where parents might have different views on money or feel entitled to their adult children's earnings. For some, it might stem from generational differences, where there was an unspoken expectation for children to support parents in old age. For others, like in your case, it could be tied to long-standing family dynamics, such as favoritism. When one sibling is consistently favored, it can create a deep sense of injustice, making financial requests even harder to swallow. The idea that you should 'fund his vacation' after feeling undervalued for so long is genuinely frustrating. It takes immense courage to tell a parent, "You can pay for your own holiday." It’s a moment of standing up for yourself, asserting your financial independence, and demanding respect. The awkwardness you’re feeling is a completely normal part of this process. When you change an established dynamic, even if it's unhealthy, there will inevitably be discomfort. Your dad might be surprised, disappointed, or even angry because his expectations were challenged. But remember, his reaction is about his feelings, not about whether your boundary was justified. Your well-being and financial stability are paramount. So, what now? First, validate your own feelings. It's okay to feel angry, resentful, or even a little sad about the situation. These emotions are valid. Second, don't feel the need to over-explain or justify your decision. "No" is a complete sentence. If he brings it up again, you can calmly reiterate your position: "Dad, I've made my decision about funding trips. I hope you still have a wonderful time on your vacation." You don't owe him an explanation of your finances or why you feel the way you do about past favoritism, unless you feel ready and able to have that very difficult conversation. Setting financial boundaries with parents is a marathon, not a sprint. There might be more awkward moments, or even attempts at guilt-tripping. Stay firm and consistent. Prioritize your financial journey and your peace of mind. It’s not selfish to protect your resources and your emotional energy. In fact, it’s a sign of maturity and self-respect. You've taken a massive step toward establishing healthier financial expectations in your family. Keep going!


tell him him that since he favours your brother your brother should provide those things.