Is reporting this coworker the right move?
About 2 months ago, I got added to a work app group chat to fill in at another location. One coworker there reached out to me privately. At first, it was friendly and work-related: how long I’d been with the company, which sites I usually cover. I played along because it’s my first job, and I wanted to get on good terms with people.
But then he started asking personal stuff: my age, what college I go to, if I live in dorms. Next, he asked if I wanted his number and wanted to be friends. I said yes to “friends” to avoid messing up work relations, but I dodged the number question. He just gave it to me anyway and asked again. That’s when I got uneasy.
A few days later, we worked the same site. I hurried in and out to avoid him then got a text from him: “Hi , sorry I didn’t say hi yesterday.” He’d found my number through the work app and messaged me without me giving it to him. I stopped responding, but every couple weeks, he still texts to ask how I am. I’m so uncomfortable. What should I do?
I totally get how you're feeling right now! That pit-in-your-stomach kind of discomfort when a coworker crosses a line, especially when they got your number via work chat and just won't stop reaching out. It's tough, especially in your first job, because you want to be friendly and fit in, but not at the expense of your peace of mind. I've heard similar stories, and it's a tricky situation to navigate. First off, trust your gut. If something feels off, it probably is. You mentioned feeling uneasy, and that's a valid signal that boundaries are being violated. It's not your fault, and you have every right to feel comfortable at work. Here’s some advice from my own experiences and what I’ve seen others do: Document Everything: This is crucial. Keep a record of every text, every message, the dates, and times. Note down how it makes you feel and any steps you've taken to try and distance yourself. If you ever need to escalate, having a clear timeline of events is incredibly helpful. Screenshots are your best friend here. Clear Communication (If You Feel Safe): Sometimes, a direct but polite message can work, especially if the person genuinely doesn't realize they're making you uncomfortable (though in this case, finding your number through work and continuing after you dodged, seems less accidental). You could try something like, "Hey, I appreciate you reaching out, but I prefer to keep our conversations strictly work-related and during work hours. I need my personal space outside of work." If you don't feel safe doing this, skip it. Your safety and comfort come first. Block Them (on personal channels): If the texts are coming to your personal number, you absolutely have the right to block them. You're not obligated to engage in personal conversations with a coworker, especially when they're making you uncomfortable. This won't stop them from using work channels, but it will create a boundary for your personal time. Review Company Policy: Most companies have policies regarding workplace conduct, harassment, and appropriate use of company communication tools. Look into your employee handbook or HR portal. Knowing your rights and the company's stance can empower you. Talk to HR or Your Manager: This is often the next logical step if direct communication doesn't work or isn't an option. Frame it factually: "I'm experiencing uncomfortable personal contact from a coworker who obtained my number through a work app, and I'd like guidance on how to proceed." Present your documentation. It's their job to ensure a safe and respectful work environment. They can mediate, provide a warning, or take other appropriate action. Don't worry about "messing up work relations" by reporting this; the coworker is the one creating the issue, not you. A good workplace will support you. Seek Support: Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or mentor outside of work. Sometimes just verbalizing what you're going through can help clarify your thoughts and reduce stress. They might also offer a fresh perspective. Remember, protecting your personal boundaries and well-being at work is paramount. You're not overreacting, and you deserve to feel safe and respected.
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