Diary moments : I’m not a good person
I hear it all the time: ‘Just let go.’ But honestly, I don’t know if I’ll ever truly get past some of the things I’ve been through. These memories aren’t just distant—they’re still here, and they still affect me. Especially with my ex, who’s left a lasting bitterness; even hearing her name feels like drinking sour milk. Despite everything I went through, she still tries to cast me as the ‘psycho’ after all the damage she caused. Every time I think of her, I’m reminded of how much I tolerated, despite being miserable, only for her to try to ruin the family I’m building.
And then there’s my dad’s ex-wife. The phrase that comes to mind with her is, ‘Don’t go away angry, just go away.’ When I see her, I’m not overly polite—and I won’t apologize for that. When she walked away, I was only eleven, and yet I had to step up, practically co-parenting my two- and three-year-old siblings and worrying about bills and things no kid should have to. It’s hard not to feel anger for the responsibilities I was forced into while she chose to walk away.
Maybe some people think holding onto these feelings is unhealthy, but I’m not here to deny my own experiences or pretend they didn’t shape me. These emotions are real, and while they may not fit others’ definition of ‘moving on,’ they’re part of my truth. I’ll deal with them in my own way, on my own time.
In today's fast-paced world, many people struggle with unresolved trauma and emotional challenges. Acknowledging these feelings is crucial for personal growth. Holding onto past experiences, while often seen as unhealthy, can also reflect a deep understanding of oneself. It's essential to process emotions fully before attempting to move forward. Engaging with supportive communities can provide a sense of belonging and help individuals feel less isolated in their struggles. Mental health advocates emphasize the importance of validating one's experiences rather than rushing the healing process. This journey is unique for everyone, and it’s perfectly valid to take the necessary time to navigate through personal challenges. Sharing stories of resilience can inspire others facing similar struggles and foster connections that promote healing. Embracing the complexities of one’s emotions, including anger, sadness, and confusion, can lead to profound insights and eventual peace. Remember, it's okay to not be okay, and seeking help or guidance is a sign of strength on the path to recovery.
