Its hard not being able to connect with people with a relaxed mentality.
I’m constantly scared people are mad at me or hate me.
I’m stuck planning for the down fall that ultimately always happens praying that it will be better then the time before.
I have just recently (within the last 2-3 years) have gotten my anger somewhat under control to a point where I can have conversations after big things happen but I will never trust that person again. I hate that about myself because I either have extreme boundaries or none at all. I hate that if you treated me like trash I’d always ALWAYS be there if you needed a person but I NEVER get that in return. I’ve learned to not allow myself to get attached so it hurts less because I get to a point in a relationship/friendship where I start seeing people as my family people that I will love unconditionally. Then they leave. I’ve been abandoned by my own family and all I’ve ever wanted is family and I think thats why I have such a hard time not telling people walk all over me. I just want to be loved unconditionally I just want a person that will call me just to hear my voice and see how Im doing.
Many people face challenges when it comes to emotional regulation and establishing healthy relationships, especially if they've experienced repeated abandonment or emotional neglect. The feelings expressed here reflect common struggles seen in individuals with complex emotional experiences, including those who might have been misdiagnosed or undiagnosed for conditions such as high-masking autism or borderline personality disorder (BPD). These conditions often share overlapping symptoms, such as emotional dysregulation, sensitivity to rejection, and difficulties with attachment. Misdiagnosis or lack of understanding can lead to prolonged emotional distress and confusion. For instance, high-masking autism can manifest as social withdrawal or difficulty connecting emotionally, while BPD is characterized by intense, unstable relationships and a pervasive fear of abandonment. Both can contribute to the sensation of being misunderstood and isolated. It's important for those coping with such feelings to recognize that their experiences are valid and shared by many. Developing self-awareness about emotional triggers, learning to establish healthy boundaries, and seeking supportive relationships can provide pathways toward healing. Therapy approaches tailored to emotional regulation, such as dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), have shown effectiveness particularly for those with intense emotions and difficulties managing interpersonal relationships. Moreover, self-compassion and the cultivation of a support network—even if small—can foster resilience. Finding or creating "chosen family" where unconditional love and acceptance are present may help mitigate feelings of abandonment. Community resources, peer support groups, and online forums dedicated to mental health and neurodivergence can offer valuable connection and understanding. Recognizing the impact of sensory overload, cognitive overwhelm, and emotional upset that often accompany such challenges is crucial. Taking deliberate steps like mindfulness, grounding techniques, and stress management can reduce the intensity of these experiences. Importantly, anyone struggling with trust and attachment injuries should consider professional guidance to develop strategies that nurture healthier relational patterns. Ultimately, the aspiration for unconditional love and human connection is universal. While setbacks and losses are painful, with time, support, and understanding, it is possible to foster more balanced relationships and a sense of belonging.