Tap that ashtray, Bebe!

I think I gained maybe 50 pounds from 2016-2018.

It’s possible the doctors said I gained 100 pounds.

I just know it took me 2 years to keep abstaining from fried chicken, besides 1 celebratory meal per year, and 20 minutes a day to make 60 minutes a week of cardio aerobics in my Apple iTunes home.

Those years were 2020-2022.

Yay 👋🏾.

But, tell your big mami why, ladies, I had an incident with black Mark Hamill and eventually those Jonathen J-bugs of the world! 🌍

One tried to feed me a non-peeled orange. 🍊 or at least started peeling in front of everybody and was kindly turning to me on this wooden bench.

Another gave me a hug and tomorrow said he almost peed himself.

The third one I think dumped a big girl privately…

But nuh uh! That ain’t it!

I was getting my certificate and the security guard would say nothing to me. But he made sure I didn’t pass out because I was ON A CANE.

I was covered by a navy blue hoodie and its zipper over my belly, on top of a medium toned “maxied” floor-length blue dress.

But so I’m like, sitting in a couch 🛋️ for 3 minutes before I get back to class. And because he’s this scrawny 60+ yr old retired, I’m happy to know he’s not going to judge me for pacing my sketcher men’s shuffle!

Girls blended, I turn back to see if I’m not, *hem irritating him, and DOOBIE un-cross-eyed his puckered lips. 👄

………??????????? What year are we in?!