Part 2/2 I was in a cut yourself club in sec school
This post ended up a lot longer than I anticipated. In my adulthood and post marriage, a lot of things have changed. I have my safe space now, and alot of these things I shared here which my parents never knew, my mom knows now. Although I will say she was shocked to know these things were happening in my life. And she did also ask why we never told her about these things, and she acknowledged that she probably shouldn't have said some things or could have done more.
I am blessed I am mentally resilient now, but I also know how important our growing years are in shaping us, and how the young mind perceives things very differently. The world may sometimes be confusing, cruel even. And if your child don't have the tools to deal with it or a safe space to talk about things, your children may be going through some really difficult times on their own, and may not know what to do.
I know we all want to raise resilient children who can handle challenges that come their way. Sometimes we do tough love. But I still think a safe space is absolutely crucial, being able to regulate and understand your emotions are also critical. Not just for children, but adults too.
And these don't come naturally, they require work. At home, we invest a lot of effort in creating that safe space, and through my work with Hi Buy Mama, I create tools that in their small ways, are tools I hope to help support parents in that regard.
We love our children. So we invest, most obviously in academics because we want them to be equipped with the skills to succeed. But these soft skills, to be able to handle challenges, to regulate their emotions, deal with others with empathy, understand the person in front of you, these are skills we all need. They deserve a lot of attention too. These are skills that make them stand out too. And having a safe space to grow, make mistakes, talk, share troubles, and learn helps build emotional resilience, foster healing, and promotes growth.
It is difficult for me to share this, which is deeply personal. And my only hope is that this sheds some light into the mental well being of children because I was once a child (like you too).
Growing up in a difficult emotional environment, especially when dealing with self-harm during adolescence, can feel incredibly isolating. From personal experience, the absence of a trustworthy safe space where I could freely express my fears, sadness, and anger made those years even more challenging. I often felt misunderstood and unable to share the weight of my emotions, fearing judgment or punishment. What I have since learned is how critical it is for parents and caregivers to intentionally cultivate environments of trust and openness. It’s not enough to just say "you can tell me anything"—children need consistent, honest, two-way conversations about deep emotions and struggles, not just surface-level talk about their daily activities. These conversations build habit and confidence to open up even when it seems difficult. Emotional regulation skills—something many of us were never taught properly as kids—also make a huge difference. Simple practices, like taking a moment to count to ten when upset, expressing gratitude daily, or having tools like worry jars, star jumps for releasing anger, or even naming and understanding different feelings can empower children to manage their emotions constructively. These skills don’t come naturally; they must be patiently taught and reinforced. I also found that having concrete resources, such as emotion cards or scenario cards outlining feelings and coping strategies, can help children and parents alike in identifying emotions and choosing healthy responses. These tools demystify feelings and remove some of the taboo and fear around discussing mental health. It’s important to remember that creating safe spaces is a process requiring ongoing effort—trust cannot be rushed. But with time and consistency, children learn to return to these spaces when facing difficult emotions instead of retreating into silence or harmful behaviors. This foundation of emotional resilience and empathy not only supports children now but plants seeds for healthier mental well-being in adulthood. Reflecting on my own journey, I feel fortunate to have developed mental resilience despite past struggles, and I strongly believe every child deserves that same chance. By committing to understanding, supporting, and teaching our children how to navigate their emotions safely, we help break cycles of pain and give them tools to thrive emotionally. This holistic approach can ultimately transform families and communities—one safe space at a time.