a child of divorce gets married: my pov
hello 🍋
maybe one of you will relate, or need someone to listen to you, because i wish i had that when i was getting married.
i had feared so many times what was gonna happen. i feared that my wedding would be a disaster.. my husband too was quite anxious, and he had mentally prepared me too during this process. i’m so thankful he stepped in, and became the main coordinator of speaking to both parties, because i was quite emotional, and i knew he would be the best to speak on my behalf on any big decisions we made.
it was a very emotional, anxious moment waiting for my wedding day to happen - initially, i had thought maybe i needed to do two separate weddings due to my family affairs. my parents both have never talked to each other or seen each other in years, i would say actually growing up, i don’t have any memory of them together. they split up when i was quite young - so i never knew how it felt to be in a whole family.
well, i didn’t expect either party to be okay and did not force them to being at the same wedding, but surprisingly they were okay with just one wedding with both sides. i know it was gonna be extremely awkward, and yes please please brides and grooms, inform your vendors! to avoid any awkward moments. i’m so thankful my emcees, photographers etc all were aware! it did make the day a bit easier and lighter.
anyone in the same boat as me, i would say have faith, pray to allah that things would smoothen out, weddings should be a happy moment for you. if can, be strategic, i had made my itinerary to put my mother’s side first, husband’s side, and then my father’s side. my husband’s side is like the buffer to avoid any interaction 🤧 and it made the most sense! especially during salam restu & photo taking moments. another thing is to really plan the colour coordination, especially because it might be awkward to be in the same colour, so i ended up communicating and making sure that the colours are not the same.
i’m thankful that looking back, i can appreciate that both were in my wedding. even walking down the aisle, i had my mother beside me, and my dad and step-mother behind me and also my brother and uncle. (which was not planned! but i loved that, made me feel that i knew i had a village behind me 🤍)
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Many people who come from divorced families feel apprehensive about their weddings because of the complex family dynamics involved, including strained relationships like the one my parents have. When planning my wedding, I found that communication with all parties involved was key to reducing tension. Letting my vendors know about my family situation helped them handle the day sensitively, which made everything flow more smoothly. I also learned that spacing family groups thoughtfully during the ceremony and reception can ease awkwardness, something that worked well for me by placing my mother’s side, then my husband’s, followed by my father’s side. It was a strategic way to maintain peace while also honoring everyone. Color coordination might seem minor but can be surprisingly important in such cases. Choosing different colors for each family helped visually differentiate groups and reduce any unintended signals of unity or discord. Above all, my husband’s support as a calm communicator and decision-maker was invaluable. If you’re in a similar situation, leaning on your partner and openly planning with them can alleviate much stress. Through prayer, faith, and mindful planning, I was able to create a meaningful wedding day that included both of my parents despite years of separation. If you are facing this challenge, remember that a wedding is about celebrating love and hope for your future—cherish that, and try to create moments of connection where you can.
blissful marriage