Depression Moved In …. Part 1
Depression settled in after the fall out with Isaiah. I couldn’t even begin to fathom of what became my love life. Abusive. Narcissistic. Falsifying dreams. One sided love. I started to feel low and heavily focused on working on a project that I have been working on for years. It felt like I haven’t gained any progress.
He had reached out but I blocked every message. Every dm. I didn’t want no type of contact. I did a story time on my podcast about him, not to mention when I had a podcast chat in person, he was one of the many men on the couch that I spoke to about men’s mental health.
(BEFORE ALL OF THAT TOOK PLACE). I noticed I barely didn’t want to do much of anything. I didn’t want to interact. I wasn’t social the way I used to be.
I would sit in rooms full of people and feel like a ghost, screaming inside but silent on the outside. It felt like there was no hand reaching for mine, no lifeboat coming. I wasn’t just sad; I was exhausted. Exhausted from pretending. Exhausted from fighting myself.
And yet, somewhere deep inside, a small flicker kept whispering that maybe — just maybe — I was still here for a reason. That I hadn’t been swallowed whole yet. But at that time, all I could feel was the weight of the water, the silence, and the ache of believing no one would ever find me.
There were nights when the darkness felt too heavy, when I wondered if I even wanted to keep going. I didn’t even have a plan; it wasn’t about details, it was about escape. I just wanted the ache to stop. I felt invisible — unseen, unheard, unnoticed — like I could disappear and it wouldn’t matter.
But in the middle of that silence, a voice cut through. It wasn’t loud, but it was firm: “Don’t you dare.” It startled me. It wasn’t coming from anyone in the room — it came from somewhere deep inside, from the tiny part of me that still wanted to live, still wanted to believe that life could be more than pain.
That voice didn’t fix everything. It didn’t erase the loneliness or the feeling of drowning. But it was enough to keep me here another day. Enough to remind me that even if no one else could see me, some part of me still did.
#traumahealing #traumarelease #truestories #apowellbooks #goodreads
Depression is a complex and deeply personal experience that often follows traumatic life events such as the end of a relationship. In cases like this, where the trauma is tied to abuse, narcissism, and one-sided love, the emotional toll can be overwhelming. It’s common for individuals to feel invisible, unheard, or trapped in silence, even when surrounded by others. This sense of isolation can exacerbate feelings of exhaustion and hopelessness. Experts emphasize the importance of acknowledging these feelings rather than suppressing them. Creating a safe space to express emotions, whether through journaling, therapy, or safe conversations, can foster healing. Moreover, focusing on meaningful projects or passions, as mentioned in the original story, can offer a constructive outlet and sense of purpose when progress feels stagnant. It’s equally vital to recognize the small, persistent inner voice of hope that often persists amidst the darkness. This internal resilience can be a powerful force, reminding us that despite the heaviness of depression, recovery and renewed meaning are possible. While professional support is critical, community engagement—such as participation in trauma healing groups or listening to others’ true stories—can also provide comfort and reduce feelings of being alone. If you or someone you know is struggling in similar ways, consider reaching out to mental health professionals who specialize in trauma and depression. Early intervention and ongoing support are key to overcoming the isolation and exhaustion that depression can bring. Remember, healing is not linear; every small step forward, including acknowledging your pain and holding on to that quiet voice inside, is an act of courage and strength.
Mental health is no joke. It's okay to not be okay. Reach out if you need help, fr