I had two panic attacks this week
I’m not a person who shares her feelings and struggles with others, but I figured this post could probably help someone.
I don’t think I’ve mentioned it but I am studying for the MCAT (Medical College Admission Test). Yes, I trying to become a doctor!
At age 7 I told my mom I wanted to be a Pediatric Oncologist and the rest was history.
This has been a long drawn-out process because I didn’t believe in myself. I graduated with honors and received a Bachelors in Biomedical Sciences in 2018. I had plans that just didn’t fall into place like I expected, so I got a job in healthcare and worked. I kept telling myself I was going to pick myself back up and get back on track, but that just didn’t happen. It seems like every time I tried I never saw it through because of fear. I allowed myself to get lost in my work which came with many promotions, but every promotion still made me feel empty because I knew this wasn’t my passion.
I can’t count how many times I’ve cried alone or to my husband about how I want to be a doctor, but I’m scared that I can’t do it because I’m not smart enough and that I waited too long after undergrad to go back to medical school.
I finally put my foot down in March 2024 to retake my MCAT and reapply to medical school now that I feel stable. It’s been a lot of long nights and weekends because I work full time and I’m married, so my schedule study schedule doesn’t look like an average student's. There are a lot of things I’ve forgotten, so I am aha ing to re-learn them.
For the most part, I tried to keep a positive attitude about the process and kept telling myself this is a “marathon, not a sprint” but something happened this week and I just broke down (see 2nd picture).
I had been feeling really down all week and very anxious about my studies and the entire medical school process. I went down the rabbit hole this week about everything I had done wrong up until this point. I am very grateful for my husband and my tutor who talked to me and calmed me down. They both reassured me that I am doing the best I can and that I can’t focus on the past the present and the future. They advised me that I am not in competition with anyone and that I can only take it one day at a time.
They also reminded me that I cannot keep things bottled up out of the fear of being a burden to someone else and I also need to utilize my support system.
I am feeling better now and have managed to have two successful study days this week so I am happy about that! I just wanted to say to anyone who is going through a difficult time trying to accomplish their goals: You can do it! I love you and I’m proud of you for taking the leap of faith.
#lemon8diarychallenge #studygram #studytips #mentalhealth #unfiltered #embracevulnerability #medicine #mcat #studentlife #lemon8creator
Building on my recent experience, I wanted to dive deeper into the actual coping techniques that have helped me navigate those overwhelming moments when a panic attack strikes, especially with the relentless pressure of MCAT prep looming. It’s truly a journey, and acknowledging that “IT'S OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY” is the crucial first step towards healing and managing your mental health effectively. When panic attacks hit, they can feel incredibly isolating and terrifying, especially when you're already grappling with anxiety over something as significant as your medical school aspirations. I’ve found that having a few go-to strategies can make a huge difference in regaining a sense of control. One of the most immediate and effective techniques for me is deep breathing. The 4-7-8 method, where you inhale for 4 counts, hold for 7, and exhale for 8, can significantly calm your nervous system. I also find box breathing (inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 4, hold 4) very grounding. When I feel that familiar tightness in my chest and my heart begins to race, I immediately try to anchor myself with my breath, focusing solely on the rhythm. It pulls my attention away from the racing thoughts and back into my body. Another lifesaver, particularly when my mind starts spiraling with worries about my limited study time for the MCAT or past mistakes, is a grounding technique called 5-4-3-2-1. This involves identifying 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. It forcefully shifts your focus to your immediate surroundings, pulling you out of your head and into the present moment. This has been incredibly helpful when I feel overwhelmed by the sheer volume of material I need to re-learn. Beyond immediate crisis management, I've learned the importance of mental reframing and self-compassion. It’s easy to fall into a trap of negative self-talk, believing you're not smart enough or that you've waited too long. My husband and tutor constantly remind me that I am not in competition with anyone but myself, and that really stuck. Challenging those negative thoughts and replacing them with kinder, more realistic ones is a continuous effort, but it truly helps to lessen the background anxiety. Finally, even with crushing deadlines and a demanding study schedule, I’ve realized that scheduled breaks and self-care aren't luxuries—they're necessities. I used to feel immense guilt taking even 15 minutes away from my books, thinking it would put me further behind. However, I’ve learned that these short walks, listening to music, or even just talking to a friend, prevent burnout and actually make my study sessions more productive. It’s about creating a sustainable routine, not just pushing through until you break. Remember, it’s not about eliminating panic attacks or anxiety entirely, but learning to ride the waves and equipping yourself with the tools to navigate them. You've got this, and you're not alone in your journey!