The Hands That Drowned Me
My poem, 'The Hands That Drowned Me,' explores the profound and often silent pain of growing up with a mother who was herself broken and unable to offer the love and nurture a child desperately needs. It's a reflection on the deep emotional impact when a mother passes on her pain, rather than healing it, leaving her child to navigate a world where they constantly feel unloved. I remember vividly the feeling of being held underwater, not by physical hands, but by an unspoken emotional current. It wasn't just that my mother didn't love me in the way I yearned for; it was the way her own struggles became a burden I felt responsible for. I often felt like I was the one comforting her, a role reversal that left me with no one to turn to for my own solace. This isn't just about a lack of love; it's about the crushing weight of responsibility placed on young shoulders, making a child feel blamed for situations entirely out of their control. That drowning metaphor in the poem — it truly captures the essence of emotional suppression. There were so many times I felt unable to cry, to be angry, or to express any of my true feelings because it felt like it would only add to her existing burdens. It's a lonely place, being unable to articulate your own suffering because you're too busy trying to keep someone else afloat. This constant struggle to keep my head above water, to not make waves, ingrained a painful silence within me. For anyone out there who's experienced a similar journey, the feeling of being unloved by your mother, or feeling 'drowned' by circumstances beyond your control, please know you're not alone. It’s a complex grief, mourning the love you never received while still carrying a deep, complicated connection. Acknowledging this pain is the first step towards healing. Finding your voice, even when it feels like it's been suppressed for so long, is incredibly powerful. It’s about recognizing that you are worthy of love, care, and emotional expression, regardless of the hands that once held you down. Your feelings are valid, and your journey towards self-compassion is a testament to your resilience.


