WATCH OUT FOR THESE THINGS IN THE TALKING STAGE
I’m no relationship expert, but I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 5 years. Through those years, both of us have grown immensely, and I think that having a relationship that allows you to continue growing, speaks to the quality of the relationship itself.
However, before this relationship, I had very little confidence and would fall for complete LOSERS! so, I wanted to make a list of three things that I used to ignore during the talking stage of a relationship, so that hopefully you can recognize them sooner than I did and GET OUTTTTT!
1. Hot and cold behavior
We’ve all been there; one day he’s CRAZY interested in you, the next day he’s acting as if he never was…A week goes by and then all of a sudden he’s back in your DMs. Chances are, if he is pulling this “hot and cold” behavior, he is preoccupied with other women or distractions. Regardless it’s a total waste of time…why are we fighting for someone who doesn’t even WANT US?? That’s a no go for me dawg.
2. Mr. “MIA”
Whether it’s days/weeks without contact, or extremely long response times…he’s probably got another plan in his mind and is trying to “keep you around” just in case. Crappy, but oh well. Not worth YOUR time. Next.
3. Poor performance and high expectations
So he’s putting in little to no effort and doesn’t seem to care about the boundaries that you would like to set in a possible relationship, yet when it comes to his expectations, you have give everything… sound familiar? Get out. That’s called ✨narcissism✨, please don’t get used to it.
Okay, so we’ve all been there – that exciting, sometimes nerve-wracking 'talking stage' where you're trying to figure out if there's potential. It's easy to get swept up in the chemistry and overlook things, but from my own experiences, it's crucial to pay attention to those early red flags! Beyond the obvious hot and cold behavior or the mysterious "Mr. MIA" acts, there are often more subtle warning signs that indicate the talking stage is not going well or that you might be heading for a situationship rather than a real connection. One thing I learned the hard way is to watch out for a lack of genuine curiosity. Are they asking about your life, your dreams, your day, or is the conversation always steering back to them? If you feel like an interviewer constantly pulling information, that's a sign they might not be truly invested in *you*. Another big one is inconsistency, not just in presence but in their communication style. One day they're super engaged, the next they're giving one-word answers. It's not just about response time; it's about the effort they put into connecting. This kind of behavior can make you feel anxious and confused, which is definitely not how a healthy talking stage should make you feel. Then there’s the issue of early dating boundaries. This is HUGE. How do they react when you express a need or a preference? Do they respect your time, your space, or your comfort levels? For instance, if you've communicated that you're busy on certain days, do they push back or try to make you feel guilty? Or if you mention you're not ready for certain physical intimacy, do they respect that without making you feel awkward? Someone who truly values you will respect your boundaries without question. If they consistently cross them or try to manipulate you into changing them, that's a massive red flag signaling poor performance and high expectations of you, with little effort on their part. Trust me, you don't want to get caught up in a dynamic where your needs are constantly dismissed. This is how you get away from being used in the talking stage. It's also important to observe how they talk about others, especially past relationships. If they constantly put down exes or tell dramatic stories where they're always the victim, it could be a sign of deeper issues. While everyone has baggage, a pattern of blaming others without self-reflection can indicate an inability to take responsibility. Ultimately, how to know if the talking stage is failing often comes down to how you *feel*. Are you constantly overthinking, feeling anxious, or trying to decipher mixed signals? Or do you feel calm, respected, and genuinely happy after interacting with them? A healthy talking stage should feel good, like a natural progression of getting to know someone, where both parties are putting in consistent, genuine effort. If you find yourself making excuses for their behavior or dreading their next unpredictable move, it's probably time to re-evaluate. Knowing when to walk away from a situation that isn't serving you is an act of self-love. You deserve someone who shows up consistently and makes you feel valued, not someone who leaves you wondering.