What I learned from my ex ( A non-academic lesson)
Everyone has strengths and flaws.
It wasn’t his strength, but what I gained from this experience was maturity.
When I was below 21, in 2022, he asked me inappropriate and very personal questions, even though he already had a gf at the time.
Back then, I was very innocent and didn’t understand many things.
I even had to Google the meaning of what he asked me ( in Chinese) just to understand it.
At first, I wondered if maybe he liked me because of my body.
I told myself that maybe it’s normal because many guys are curious.
But looking back, asking another girl such qns while having a gf was a huge 🚩.
After dating him for 6 months ( From 2024 - 2025) ( Broke up in between and reunited again in 2025) , I realized something painful , he didn’t truly like me for who I was.
If he did, he wouldn’t have cheated on me.
He wouldn’t have questioned my love either.
Sometimes I question myself , why did I choose someone who made me doubt my own love?
If I didn’t love him, would I have allowed him to touch me?
Some people can separate feelings from physical intimacy.
But for me, I can’t.
If I let someone touch me, it’s because I truly loved them.
I learned things about men at a young age, things most women only realize much later.
There are both good and painful sides to learning early, but I choose to see it positively.
I don’t blame him nor do I detest him.
Instead, I am very cautious about the men who try to enter my life, whether as a bf or even just as a friend.
And to be clear, he is an extremely talented individual.
He achieved excellent results academically and beyond.
People from his school supported his CCA performances and even gave him flowers back in 2023. ( Pic 2)
That’s something he should be proud of.
Seeing someone I once loved achieve commendable results made me proud too.
His discipline and drive are qualities I respect and can learn from.
I once asked him what he was most proud of about himself and it was a genuine question.
I hold no grudges.
I truly wish him well in life. :)
Disclaimer: I am not glorifying his past inappropriate behavior.
* Will be deleting comments that are disrespectful to both parties
Looking back on my experience, one of the most important lessons I learned is the value of trusting your instincts when something feels off in a relationship. Even though I was young and naive, the discomfort I felt when he asked inappropriate questions was my mind’s way of warning me. It’s essential to listen to those feelings early on, as they often indicate deeper issues. Another realization from my journey is how crucial self-love and boundaries are. Allowing someone into your personal space, both emotionally and physically, should always come from a place of genuine respect and mutual affection. I struggled with separating affection from physical intimacy, but eventually understood that these boundaries protect your heart and wellbeing. Despite the betrayal and heartbreak, I choose to see the positive—especially how the experience matured me and sharpened my perception of people’s true intentions. The discipline and achievements my ex showed remind me that people can have admirable qualities while still making harmful choices. This duality taught me not to villainize others harshly but to be cautious moving forward. I also learned to forgive without forgetting—holding no grudges frees you from bitterness but keeps your guard strong to avoid repeating painful mistakes. This respectful perspective is empowering and helps build healthier connections in the future. For anyone in a similar situation, I suggest embracing self-reflection and growth after difficult relationships. Surround yourself with supportive friends who lift you up, and take time to rediscover your worth. Every experience, even the painful ones, contributes to becoming wiser and more resilient in love and life.
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