This Is My Unpopular Truth: I won’t.

For a long time, I thought forgiveness was required to move on. That if I didn’t forgive them, I was somehow stuck, bitter, or immature.

But here’s what I’ve learned: forgiveness isn’t mandatory for healing.

What happened still happened, the damage still shaped me. Understanding why they did what they did doesn’t erase the impact it had on my nervous system, my relationships, or my sense of safety.

I’ve accepted it and processed it. I’ve built boundaries. I’ve changed my life in ways they never could.

Forgiveness would only make sense if it brought me peace. For me, it doesn’t. Accountability does. Distance does. Protecting myself does.

Do you believe forgiveness is necessary for healing? Do you forgive your parents for childhood trauma? Why or why not?

#AskLemon8 #letschat #family #parenting #Adulting101

2025/12/14 Edited to

Healing from childhood trauma is a deeply personal journey, and many believe that forgiveness is a mandatory step to move forward. However, it's important to recognize that forgiveness is not the only path to healing; for some, it might not be the right path at all. When we talk about childhood trauma caused by parental actions, the damage can affect our nervous system, emotional wellbeing, and future relationships. Understanding why certain harmful behaviors occurred doesn’t erase their impact, nor does it mean you have to forgive to feel better. Accepting what happened and processing those experiences can be powerful on its own. Instead of forgiveness, some find that creating firm boundaries offers protection and allows healing to occur. Accountability from those who caused harm can validate your experience and foster a sense of justice and safety. Sometimes, maintaining distance from toxic relationships is essential to preserving your mental health. Forgiveness, in this context, should not be forced or viewed as a societal expectation that must be met for you to be considered mature or healed. It should only be embraced if it genuinely brings peace and closure. Many survivors find strength and growth in protecting themselves and moving forward without forgiving. This perspective encourages open conversations around childhood trauma healing, emphasizing that each person’s process is unique. Reflecting on your feelings about forgiveness and recognizing alternative methods of healing can empower you to reclaim your life on your own terms. If you are questioning whether to forgive your parents or others in your life for childhood trauma, consider what brings you peace: Is it forgiveness, accountability, distance, or setting boundaries? Your wellbeing matters most, and it's okay to prioritize what truly helps you heal.

19 comments

DatgirlD

I forgive them. More importantly I forgive myself for spending way too much time trying to prove I was a good and worthy daughter. Now I focus on my kids and grandchild, and being the person I needed growing up.

Kelley

Yes I did. I asked myself WWJD? Forgive and move on. That doesn’t mean I had to interact with them, but just for me personally, I felt better after I did forgive. It will always be a part of my past and who I am, but it sure as hell does not define me. I went through SA from my stepfather from the time I was 12 to 3 months before my 16th birthday when I finally made my mom make a choice it was either me or him. And she chose me. For the first time, I felt wanted. I was never who my mother wanted me to be, she wanted a little girl that loved frilly dresses and black Patton leather Maryjane’s but I’m a tomboy through and through. I’m 66 years old now and I’m at peace with it. Finally.

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