Bring my helper to concert & she left us
I’ve always wanted to share about my journey with my helpers, and finally, I got 5 mins to sit down and write this while taking care of my baby.
So my first helper was from Indonesia. After sending her back, I got a new helper from another agency, and she was from Myanmar.
The reason I hired her:
1) She is brand new, with experience in Oman.
2) She got nursing experience in taking care of baby.
3) Sweet looking, gentle and polite.
She came in December 2024, just in time to look after the baby during his birthday party and also when I wasn’t in Singapore. During that busy period, she was there to care for the baby and help out with the housework.
I’m really grateful to her for being with us, and we liked her a lot. So even though she had only joined us for a few weeks, we prepared a Christmas gift for her.
While she was with us, whenever we ordered GrabFood for dinner or supper, or bought bubble tea, I always included her share too. I also paid for her EZ-Link card and mobile line. And whenever I travelled to Bangkok, Hong Kong, or Johor Bahru, I would buy her a gift as a way to show my appreciation for taking care of my baby when I wasn’t in Singapore.
Whenever the baby was sick and we had to bring him to the hospital, she would always offer to go with us, even though we sometimes only got home around 3–4 am. Of course, I would tell her not to wake up too early the next day and to rest whenever the baby was asleep, because I was worried she wouldn’t have enough rest.
And when she fell sick with a high fever, I quickly brought her to the doctor and gave her a few days off to recover. During that time, I took care of the baby myself so that she could focus on getting better.
She also asked if I could pay for her first concert ticket, and I agreed, even though I had already reminded myself not to do this again after my first helper had asked me to pay for her iPhone and then paid me back slowly.
Her friends couldn’t make it, and since it was her first time in Singapore, I decided to go with her—even though I didn’t really know the idol.
After the concert, I started to notice that she wasn’t putting in as much effort as she did when she first came. I talked to her about it, and she said she would take note, so I just let it go and moved on. But after four months with us, when I came back from Hong Kong, things had changed really fast, and I barely had time to process it.
By the time I spoke to her again to ask why she was behaving differently, and whether she still had the heart to work for me, she admitted that she didn’t. That’s when I realized I had to change helpers again.
On the day she was leaving, I helped her pack her things neatly and even gave her a luggage bag because hers couldn’t fit all her belongings. Before sending her off to the agency, we both cried. I never expected this to happen, but I couldn’t stop her from leaving since she no longer had the heart to stay with us.
I don’t know why or what happened that caused someone who had been so kind to suddenly change into a different person. Even though we still keep in touch on Facebook, my heart feels the pain every time we text.
Hiring a domestic helper who has experience with baby care can make a huge difference in managing household duties and parenting challenges. From personal experience, helpers with nursing skills and prior care background often provide more confident and reassuring support, especially during sick days or hospital visits. When I hired my helper from Myanmar with these qualifications, it really helped ease my worries about my baby's care. It's important to build a genuine relationship with your helper by recognizing their efforts and making them feel appreciated—whether through small gestures like sharing meals, paying for their travel cards, or buying thoughtful gifts. Such kindness can foster loyalty and goodwill, making the working environment more harmonious for both parties. However, it’s also crucial to set clear boundaries and communicate openly. In my case, I learned that despite initial enthusiasm, circumstances might change, and helpers might eventually feel it's time to move on. Her request for me to pay for a concert ticket was a gesture I accepted as part of building trust, but it also showed the fine line between kindness and setting expectations. When she asked me to accompany her to her first concert in Singapore, it was an unexpected but special bonding moment. Concerts or outings can be a great way to learn more about your helper’s interests and culture, strengthening your relationship beyond work. Despite the caring environment I tried to provide, over time her dedication waned, highlighting that helpers’ motivations and feelings can evolve. When she decided to leave, I realized that sometimes letting go with compassion is necessary. It was an emotional farewell, but maintaining contact and understanding remains important. If you are considering hiring a helper with young children or managing a busy household, consider their background carefully and try to create a mutual respect-based working relationship. Also, try to be flexible and empathetic as helpers are human beings with their own needs and dreams. Supporting them emotionally and personally can lead to a better, trusting partnership, even if it doesn’t last forever.
She is still a human after all, difficult to resist life temptations. There must be a clear line between you and your helper. You have been too kind to her. I would say you have crossed the boundaries. I have 2 helpers from Myanmar and I am very careful with one of them who may cross the boundaries. We need to be cautious in handling helpers, sending them regular messages that they are here to work. With the situation at Myanmar, if they return home, they may not be able to return to Singapore to continue working due to the new regulations from the military government. My two helpers do not want to return to Myanmar because they clearly know the severe consequences once they enter Myanmar.