Is this just him trying to control what I enjoy?
We bonded hard over nonfiction when we met, obsessed with Tudorian docs, geeking out over Henry VIII’s drama. I never cared he wasn’t into my fantasy books/shows, sharing every hobby’s not my vibe. We’d watch The Bear, factual period pieces, crime stuff. But lately he’s flipped.
First, he bailed on our usual reality adjacent shows. Then comments: “Fiction’s a waste,” “Fantasy’s just escaping real life.” I brushed it off till he got annoyed if I watched/read fiction even alone. Scoffed at my favorite book: “Adults shouldn’t take this seriously.”
Last night, he said he “can’t respect” me wasting time on make-believe when there’s “real knowledge.” Claimed fiction’s rotting my brain, wants me to quit entirely, said it’s about “intellectual growth” and “shared values.” I told him I have a job, friends, responsibilities! It’s just relaxing fun! He doubled down, calling it a “life standard,” not control. I’m confused, hurt, and lowkey mad. Is this burnout? A weird phase? How do I talk to him without feeling attacked for liking stories?
It's common for couples to have different tastes in entertainment, but when one partner starts condemning the other's hobbies, such as fiction reading or watching fantasy shows, it can feel hurtful and controlling. The underlying issue here seems to be a clash between valuing 'real knowledge' versus valuing fiction for its mental and emotional benefits. Fictional stories, fantasy books, and shows often provide much more than just escapism – they enhance creativity, empathy, and critical thinking. The OCR extract highlights a relatable scenario where one partner dismisses fiction as a waste of time or detrimental to intellectual growth, even escalating to a 'life standard' that sounds like control rather than a healthy preference. Addressing this requires open and calm communication emphasizing respect and individual interests. Reassure your partner that enjoying fantasy or fiction doesn't detract from your responsibilities or real-life commitments. It’s about balance, not rejecting reality. If the criticism escalates to disrespect or trying to control your leisure activities, it could reflect burnout, insecurities, or deeper relationship tensions. Suggest exploring shared hobbies or negotiate times for personal interests. Counseling or relationship coaching can help in cases where one partner feels attacked for simple pleasures like reading or watching shows. Remember, personal hobbies like fiction are important for mental health and stress relief. Underestimating them ignores their positive impact on emotional well-being and intellectual stimulation. Keep enjoying what makes you happy, and seek supportive conversations to express how these interests contribute to your life, not detract from it. Ultimately, healthy relationships respect differences and encourage growth. If your partner’s current attitude feels controlling or dismissive, try to open a dialogue based on empathy and mutual respect. And if needed, consider seeking outside support to navigate these challenges constructively.
Sounds like a podcast Chad. The personality shift seems erratic as well as abusive. Do you live together?