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It’s hard to know where to begin when talking about something like this, but I feel there’s a few necessary disclaimers.
I am not dissing or invalidating anyone who has had children. The things I say here will be my personal reasons and beliefs that I stand firmly in.
I realize i’m young (21), however there are various and important factors that have brought me to this conclusion which i’ve stood firmly in for years now.
This is not meant to be an argumentative post, but it’s open for discussion to respectful comments.
Moving on…
From 2021-2024 I dealt with ESRD (End stage renal disease) brought on by a very rare autoimmune disease. As a result of my illness I went through various treatments, and was on peritoneal dialysis for a little less than 2 years before my transplant last year on June 10th, 2024. To maintain the health of my new kidney, I’m required to take anti-rejection medication daily for the rest of my life, or until my donor kidney also fails/gives out. Due to this and the ~10 inch scar from transplant, and a few smaller ones from other surgeries relating to dialysis, A pregnancy would be extremely complicated from the jump for me. Not to mention, my body has bluntly, been through hell already. Strong steroid medication at the beginning of my illness caused me to retain huge amounts of water weight, and my weight fluctuations (from regular to larger, to very underweight, to finally normal within the past year) have left stretch marks already. I’m quite confident and comfortable in my body scars, stretch marks and all, but I don’t ever want to put my body through something as extreme as pregnancy when I don’t need to or want to. It would add stress to my donated organ and overall body, and there’s also a large, almost certain possibility my new kidney will not last a lifetime given I got the transplant when I was only 20 years old and donor organs have a shorter lifespan than your own.
My mental health is relatively stable and I would say considering i’m very high functioning, but I am certainly someone prone to anxiety and depression, sometimes for no real reason at all. I believe having a kid would extremely trigger these symptoms, and that the chance of passing them on would be relatively high. I don’t want that.
The state of the world. Need I say more… between the many signs of environmental disaster we see more and more frequently (natural disasters, extreme temperatures and more temperature fluctuations, microplastics in EVERYTHING, potential lack of clean water in the future), and even just the way society is, especially in america (in my opinion) this isn’t a world I want to bring a life into. This reason is pretty cut and dry to me.
If I ever did want a kid, I would foster or adopt in the future when i’m (hopefully) completely financially stable and established in my own life. I don’t find the typical reasons people have for having kids such as:
- someone to take care of me when i’m old
- a mini me/ continuing the bloodline or legacy
- having something to nurture/take care of
- “creating” a family
- low birth rate / continuing the human race
- general expectation/ norm of society
- “unconditional” love
- the “joy” of pregnancy
I’m not going to explain all of these in this caption but like I said i’m open to discussing in comments. None of these apply to me, make me want to have kids, nor inspire me in the slightest to do so. None of them feel like reasons to create a life, and I can’t think of a valid reason for myself to have kids.
I could probably get into more reasons, but I’ll conclude with the simplest one. I never, I repeat never, want to experience pregnancy. It is utterly terrifying to me, not to mention would almost certainly be high risk to begin with for me. There are TONS of side effects, look up the girl with the list… I actually happen to have my own list inspired by her🤣 Seriously though I do not want my body to go through any more permanent or bad changes. The thought of something growing inside of me is personally terrifying and disgusting, again this is not shade just how I feel for myself. If in 10-20 years, I feel like I do want to be a mother, there are THOUSANDS of children in the system I would rather take in than creating a life myself when I don’t want or need to. I’m not even sure I would ever want to be a mother, I don’t now and I certainly do not want to be pregnant.
The point of this post is to normalize a child free mindset and to show a perspective of someone who doesn’t want to have kids, as generally most women still do have kids/ want to have kids. I see that being a parent/mother is a wonderful experience for many, but it is an irreversible decision all the same. I encourage you to truly think about what you want and why, about the realities of pregnancy and parenthood, as well as the world in which we live in. Are you financially stable, mentally stable, and overall able to provide a happy and healthy life for a child? I know i’m not. For the mothers out there, so long as your child is taken care of and you are as well, I’m very happy for you and that things have worked well for you and wish you the best as your kid grows and changes. For those of you who don’t want to have kids, don’t let anyone tell you what you want/need if you know.
I’ll stop my rambling for now, I hope this post was interesting or enlightening for someone and feel free to comment, any respectful questions are also welcome! If you made it this far thank you for reading my ted talk /essay🙂
In recent discussions surrounding parenting choices, many voices express a desire to normalize being childfree. This growing community emphasizes the importance of self-awareness in making life decisions. People are increasingly reflecting on their mental wellbeing, financial security, and the environmental factors influencing their choices about parenthood. Statistics reveal that millennials and Gen Z are delaying or opting out of traditional parenthood, motivated by concerns over climate change, economic instability, and personal mental health issues. Research suggests that parental responsibilities can challenge personal aspirations and contribute to anxiety and stress. For many, the decision to remain childfree is not simply an avoidance of conventional family structures but a commitment to their own health and happiness. Additionally, the discourse surrounding fostering and adoption underscores that one can contribute positively to society without biological ties. These alternative pathways to parenting highlight compassion and community support over biological imperatives. More people are realizing that expanding the definition of family can include care for existing children in need, making impactful societal changes without the complexities of biological parenting. By sharing personal narratives like mine, we can foster an environment of understanding and respect for individual choices against the backdrop of evolving societal norms. This dialogue enriches the conversation about what it means to lead a fulfilled life, regardless of whether that involves children.
I’ve never related to a post more. Like all the points you made especially about the health challenges you face. I hope you’re doing better now 🩵