My Mother My Hater?👩👧🚫💔
I want to preface by saying I love my mom. We don’t have the best relationship but It’s a fact that she has been my main source of support more financially than emotionally but she’s always been there
I want to share every detail I can so that you guys can understand and maybe also give me your feed back and opinions.
My mother has always been a tough love kind of parent especially with me. I am her only daughter. In highschool I wasn’t the best student, my first year I rebelled and almost failed it. Later on I opened my eyes and joined the softball team. I also got a job at the same time. All I remember during my highschool years is my mom saying that she thought I’d get pregnant and didn’t think I’d even graduate not to mention that all shed ever do was complain about how she had to take me to my job after practice. I constantly rode the public bus at night or during rainy days.
Fast forward to when I got pregnant at 24. My partner and I separated when I was 3 months. My entire pregnancy I worked a full time job and made sure to save as much money as I could. During this time my mom was a dream and really made me feel like everything was going to be okay but now that I had my baby it’s like she did a 360 on me.
My postpartum was hard. Emotionally I was shattered. I distinctly remember one moment where I was crying to my mom about my situation and she said “STOP CRYING! Stop focusing on men and focus on your daughter”, another time she said “It’s not my fault your life ended up this way”. Keep in mind I didn’t have a partner to turn to, my best friend had distanced herself from me because I guess our life styles were just too different since I had a baby and she didn’t. I really didn’t have anyone else to turn to, I’d look forward to my mom coming home from work because I craved for some kind of adult interaction…someone to talk to.
I’m a first time stay at home mom, so I don’t really have a sitter or someone to care for my daughter yet. At first my mother would say things like “You can go out and I can watch her” now she says things like “I don’t want you to go out, I didn’t get to go out either”. I can’t even begin to tell her that I’m stressed or frustrated because she’ll hit me with “That’s mom life” it really pushes me over the edge. The times that my mother does watch my daughter it’ll be for 1-2 hrs or once a week for most of the day so that I can go to work.
My mom is the type of mom who didn’t get to enjoy her youth so she gos all out now. She go’s clubbing and is constantly dating new people and bringing them home without any regard for my or my daughters safety. She put these people first before her own family and when I bring it up she’ll say things like “I’m done raising you guys”.
All of this has taken a huge toll on my mental health along with all my childhood trauma flooding my mind due to my postpartum…I mean things that I haven’t thought about in years. It’s all causing me to resent her.
Sometimes I feel so ungrateful but sometimes she makes it so hard for me because she constantly throws everything she does in my face. Of course I don’t expect her to do everything for me but man I really thought that all moms wanted to be there for their kids like I want to be for mine. I feel tolerated.
Am I the problem? Sometimes I feel like she doesn’t want to see me do well in life or like she doesn’t believe in me. Sometimes I feel like she expects too much from me. This I know for sure, she totally expects me to accomplish everything on my own.
Deep down I know she loves me in her own way but if I were to leave I don’t see my self reaching out to her nor her to me.
What do you guys think? Am I being dramatic or is she being unfair? Or maybe we’re both so hurt we’re incapable of understanding each other.
No relationship is perfect hopefully one day we can get past the hurt and the meanness and maybe love each other the way we deserve. 🤍
Have you guys ever experienced anything like this?
Navigating a complex mother-daughter relationship can feel incredibly isolating, especially when you're searching for understanding and support. When I look back at childhood memories, I can see how the seeds of this complicated bond were sown. It’s a unique journey for everyone, but there are often universal feelings of confusion, hurt, and, yes, sometimes even resentment, when the person who should be your biggest advocate feels more like an adversary. From the rebellious teenage years to the profound changes of adulthood, the mother-daughter dynamic constantly evolves. During adolescence, we crave independence, but still secretly long for approval. Then, when life throws unexpected curveballs, like pregnancy, the dynamics can shift dramatically. Suddenly, you're not just a daughter, but a mother yourself, and you might find yourself looking to your mother for guidance or emotional support that simply isn't there in the way you need it. My own experience during pregnancy and postpartum was a rollercoaster of emotions. The expectation of a supportive maternal figure often clashes harshly with reality. It's tough when you're navigating new motherhood, feeling vulnerable and overwhelmed, and the one person you hoped would be your rock seems to pull away or offer harsh judgments instead of comfort. This lack of emotional backing during such a crucial time can exacerbate feelings of loneliness and make you question your own worthiness. It’s not uncommon to feel like your mother’s lack of understanding about your new life chapter is a personal attack, or even a form of rejection, leaving you to wonder if she truly cares about your well-being or just her own. So, what do you do when your mother-daughter relationship feels less like a warm embrace and more like a constant battle? Firstly, acknowledge your feelings. It's okay to feel hurt, angry, or confused. These emotions are valid. Secondly, seek external support. This could be from trusted friends, a partner, or even a therapist who can offer an objective perspective and coping strategies. Sometimes, simply having someone listen without judgment can be incredibly healing. Finally, consider setting boundaries. This isn't about cutting someone out of your life, but rather about protecting your own mental and emotional health. It might mean limiting certain conversations, or creating space for yourself when interactions become toxic. Remember, your well-being is paramount, and sometimes, finding peace means accepting that a relationship may never be what you hoped, but you can still find ways to thrive within its complexities.
I’m so grateful to each and every one of you for responding to me. For a long time I really I was the problem but honestly she has Gas-lit me so much that I truly didn’t know what to believe anymore. I want to be the mother I never had. Thank you guys so much and getting this feedback means so much to