My Failed Homebirth 😢
This is a really tough topic for me but I feel that I can finally speak about it..
My dream was to have a home birth, I am a really spiritual person and I wanted to have a water birth next to my husband. As soon as I found out I was pregnant I searched for midwives and more than 30 people recommended the same one, so I researched and decided to try it. We loved it, felt comfortable & safe. Everything felt magical but at about 30 weeks l started feeling like I needed more labs done etc. Their labs took WEEKS to come in and they would tell me I am okay but I had low iron and found out at a ER visit due to migraines! I tried changing to a facility but since I was more than 34 weeks nobody accepted me 😕
On the day of the home-birth I prayed a lot, had everything prepared but not only did I felt nervous but also “weird” in an intuitive level… They induced in the morning and I started having small contractions right away and by 3pm I was really feeling the “big contractions” and they did not have anything set up, because they arrived so late! And it was so weird for me since we planned the birth since day 1! But I was so in pain and my husband and mom were so nervous that it didn’t matter at the moment….
He told me to start pushing right away, they “checked” and said It was needed for my water to break so they decided to do it (which was REALLY HURTFUL idk why), didn’t work and got told to keep pushing. It was midnight and I was screaming and feeling weaker and weaker by the minute, I was loosing consciousness but kept trying. They took me out of the water to do different positions but I couldn’t even walk because of how weak I felt! They kept encouraging me but I was slowly getting dizzy and weaker and feeling like dying tbh. But the midwife kept saying everything was good and that baby is fine.
At 2am the midwife said I was a 9.5cm but my husband decided that It was enough and that he was going to take me to the hospital, right then midwife comes to me and says that I couldn’t give birth naturally because of how small I am. (Im 5ft) Those words were so HURTFUL I was crying while trying not to pass out. When we got to the hospital they were 8 nurses waiting and I couldn’t understand why so many… I told them I wanted a C section asap since I couldn’t give birth. But the doctor came to me and said that I was terribly dehydrated, low pressure and that they would talk to me once I am fully conscious
I woke up a few hours later, the doctor (may God bless her and her family) told me that I was only 7cm dilated and that I wasn’t even supposed to be pushing in the first place, that is true I would have never been able to give birth at that measurement but she could give me Epidural and still have my baby naturally. Long story short; They applied the epidural, I took a nap, woke up, pushed 3 times and gave birth. 🙃 Till this day I am so grateful for the doctors & nurses that worked those days. They encouraged me so much and kept telling me that I was at the right place, some of them really did uplift me emotionally and mentally. That encouragement helped me survive and enjoy the actual birth and hospital stay.
After the birth and everything a social worker with the staff came me in and told us that the midwife was actively being sued for malpractice and that he was not allowed to do any home-births at the moment but he was still doing mine and a couple other mothers 😞 I felt really bad and started blaming myself since, thank God nothing happened to the baby but my body suffered a LOT from all the unnecessary pushing…
Do I still believe in Home birth? Yes! At the moment when we met this midwife it didn’t have any cases or anyone saying bad stuff. The case it had was really recent from the time I found out that’s why we did not knew about it. I still believe in healthy yet SAFE home birth, unfortunately it was not my case. Would I try it again? No…
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After experiencing such a dramatic shift in my birth plan, I've had a lot of time to reflect on what truly matters when it comes to bringing a baby into the world. It’s easy to get caught up in the romanticized idea of a perfect birth, especially when you see all those beautiful homebirth photography shots. But the reality, as I painfully learned, can be very different. One of the most challenging aspects was the sheer intensity of the pain, especially when I was told to start pushing prematurely. I remember thinking, 'Is this actual childbirth? Is this what pushing crowning feels like?' It was excruciating, not just physically (homebirth painful), but emotionally, feeling like my body was failing. What I learned later is how crucial it is to listen to your body and have a care team that truly understands the stages of labor. Effective pushing comes from proper dilation, not just effort. Without the right guidance, pushing too early can be exhausting and even harmful, something I wish I'd understood better before my experience. Many of us envision serene homebirth photography capturing every beautiful moment, perhaps in a tranquil water setting like I initially dreamed of. My reality, however, was far from that idyllic picture. The images in my mind, and honestly, the initial photos taken during my attempted home birth, depict a very different story from the successful hospital birth that ultimately brought my newborn baby into the world. It’s a stark reminder that while aesthetic preferences are valid, safety and medical expertise should always come first. The joy of holding your little one, whether captured in a professional photo or a simple phone snap, is the ultimate goal. If you’re considering a homebirth, please, please, do your due diligence on your care provider. My story highlights the devastating consequences when things go wrong. Ask about their protocols for emergencies, how they manage pain, and specifically, how they monitor your progress through actual childbirth stages. Don't be afraid to ask about past cases or any legal issues. A truly safe homebirth isn't just about being at home; it's about having experienced, ethical professionals who prioritize your and your baby's well-being above all else. My experience has taught me that sometimes, the best birth plan is the one that prioritizes adaptability and safety, even if it means changing course entirely. The support I received at the hospital, those nurses and doctors, truly made all the difference in turning a terrifying situation into a beautiful memory of welcoming my child. While my dream of a homebirth didn't come true in the way I imagined, I'm eternally grateful for the outcome. It's a powerful lesson in trusting your intuition and advocating for yourself, especially when faced with painful and confusing situations during actual childbirth.
First and foremost!! Congratulations on your safe and successful delivery. I’m so so sorry you dealt with that. Im glad you got the care you needed. I truly hope that midwife’s license was revoked!! Being sued for malpractice says a lot about the person.