It’s hard to see change in the moment
Trying to love myself even after shedding 100 pounds has been a struggle. I’ve never loved myself. Ever. Even as a little girl I was “too hyper” “too messy” “too emotional” so I learned to hate myself.
Then I jumped head first into an abusive relationship with my oldest son’s dad and literally got myself in the biggest pickle I could 5000 miles away from my family. I woke up one night with said dad putting a pillow over my babies face while I slept. I grabbed my baby and walked down the street In the middle of the night in Germany knocking on doors just trying to get someone to let me use a phone to call my dad to get us out of there. He abused me mentally, emotionally, and physically until I didn’t even know who I was. Then I got home and just kept going and never healed from that. How could I, I had no coping mechanisms or self respect.
Jumping into my 10 year marriage now that has had its fair share of trauma. Family dying, depression from both sides, my husband’s affair after I tried helping a boy who just needed someone to love him when no body ever even tried. I would have done anything to have him as my own. My heart still hurts everyday just wanting to know he’s safe. He will always be my boy in my heart and I will love him and feed him till the day I die somehow.
I didn’t find out about the affair until after I moved my kids back in after our 7 month separation. And I refuse to take my kids out of their home again so I’m trying to make flowers out of shit. But I know one day it will be ok again. Learning to forgive is so hard. My husband is a totally different person now. And he’s proving himself to me everyday as he should.
This is the first year I’m actually learning to love myself. To see myself as an actual person instead of this depersonalized blob I’ve been for so long. I want to start living and being happy. I see small glimpses of happiness followed by days of sadness but everyday I get better. I’m going to do it for me this time. Don’t give up on yourself. We are deserving. Even if it takes 33 years to see it. And maybe one day I’ll trust people enough to have my own friends who actually care about me. #vulnerabilityjourney #findingpeace #depression #bodytransformation #unfiltered
The journey of self-love is often fraught with obstacles, especially for those who have faced trauma and abuse. Many individuals struggle with self-acceptance due to negative experiences in childhood, relationships, or other life events that impact self-esteem. It's essential to recognize that healing is a gradual process, not a linear pathway. For those experiencing similar struggles, surrounding oneself with supportive friends or engaging with communities focused on mental health can provide encouragement and motivation. Practicing self-compassion and setting small, achievable goals are effective methods in fostering a sense of worth. Mindfulness and therapy, including cognitive-behavioral techniques, can also aid in overcoming negative thought patterns. Additionally, sharing our stories can empower not only ourselves but also those who may feel isolated in their struggles. Remember, the journey to self-love is unique for everyone, and it's crucial to celebrate the individual steps taken along the way, no matter how small they may seem.
See more comments