I have to choose me.
this is too much and too hard to even type but if I don't then I don't think I will do anything about it. we have been through a lot. and we have a relationship that used to be like xanax for me. I could literally be in the same room with you and feel so safe and good. I never thought that we would end up so far apart because I was only good at pushing people away. it's my thing. but now..I don't even know who I am, when I lost myself, and why things are this way. I will love you forever but if I don't choose me and work on myself then I am not going to even make it out alive. I wish you could do that also. but I can't make someone care when I don't even care about myself. I have to find joy and happiness before it's too late. I wanted a family of my own and I got that but I don't want to see my children look at me the way I look at myself. I'm not the same person, I'm not sure why I am still standing at all or who I even am at all. I won't allow my children to suffer like I did and have. I lost so many people along the way and so did you. but I will never be able to save you and I'm sorry. I hope you choose a better path also because we both know that the path we thought we'd walk is no longer accessible. it was great but now it's time to be better. for Ezra. and Isaiah. I just want you to be my best friend again. I love you but I can't love you to death.
#theend #startingover #ichooseme
Sometimes, in the depths of challenging relationships, we lose sight of who we truly are. This story resonates deeply with anyone who has felt overwhelmed by the pain of distancing themselves from someone they once trusted and loved. Choosing yourself is not about giving up on others; it’s about reclaiming your own identity and well-being to eventually create a healthier space for everyone involved. Based on my own experience, the hardest step is acknowledging that although you love someone, you can’t sacrifice your own happiness and mental health indefinitely. Just like the author reflects on how a past relationship felt like 'xanax,' bringing calm and safety, the reality can shift drastically over time. When that calm is replaced by distance or emotional pain, it’s crucial to prioritize your healing. A powerful lesson here is the hope for rebuilding—desiring to be best friends again, and aspiring to be better for the children involved, echoes many people's real-life journeys. Setting boundaries, focusing on self-care, and seeking joy again can help prevent the cycle of self-neglect that often comes with staying in a painful dynamic. From personal growth forums and therapy groups, I’ve learned that talking openly about these feelings—much like this author does—can be very liberating. It also helps to remember that letting go is not failure; it’s a step towards moving forward. Incorporating daily practices like journaling, mindfulness, or connecting with supportive communities can empower you on this path. If you find yourself in a similar place, try visualizing the “after the pain” phase mentioned in the images: a period of healing that follows struggle where new, positive chapters begin. It’s about finding hope and forming a new relationship with yourself, one built on compassion and self-worth. You owe it to yourself and those you love to pursue that happiness and self-care every day.