Friends and lover relationships change depending on the love from parents in childhood
This will lead to yesterday's post 📝
I don't even know why,
I can't get along well with my friends and lovers,
Something hard to live...
I wonder what...
There may be a hint hidden here for those who think so.
Attachment style is a relationship with parents (caregivers) in childhood
Formed by how they were involved,
This is a blueprint for how to connect with people with peace of mind.
Parents' response patterns shape future interpersonal relationships and romantic tendencies.
The child says, "I am loved."
Whether you feel "I am valued" and have spent your childhood with a sense of security 🔑 is 🔑 important key ❗️
In terms of attachment type classification,
① Stable attachment is the most desirable!
Children have someone who loves them.
Have a basic sense of trust, be mentally stable,
Independence and sociality are easier to develop ✨✨
❤️👶 Childcare 👩❤️
The keyword is
🟠 sensitive
🟢 appropriate
🟡 consistency
🟠 sensitive
Be aware of your child s signs (crying, facial expressions, movements, etc.) without immediately overlooking them.
🟢 appropriate
Against the sign in the way that child needs to
To respond.
For example
If you're hungry
Milk, feeding, baby food...
If you're anxious
Hugs, gentle calls, stroking, hugs...
If you are tired
Sleep and cuddles...
And so on.
🟡 consistency
Regardless of the mood or convenience of the parents, keep repeating this response without blurring.
By having all three, children trust their parents as a "safe base" and the foundation of their mind is stable 🥰
This is said to be parenting that leads to the formation of stable attachment 🥰
Please refer to the following to see what kind of parenting is divided into each type ⬇️⬇️
① Stable attachment
Life is based on a safe and secure base.
🔴 Society and Work
A trusted team player.
Be able to hold your own opinion while respecting the opinions of others. Even in difficult situations, you can find solutions without getting emotional.
🔴 Friends
A balanced friendship.
You can maintain a certain distance from your best friend.
You can ask for help when you are in trouble, but don't rely too much. You can sincerely rejoice and support your friend's success.
🔴 relationship
A healthy interdependence.
Be confident in being loved and trust your partner. Do not worry about the frequency of contact and do not bind. Can calmly overcome breakups and conflicts.
② Anxiety type attachment
Life is a battle against "anxiety that you do not know when you will be abandoned."
🟢 Society and Work
Someone who overtries.
Strongly seeking evaluation and approval from others and trying too hard to meet expectations.
I am always concerned about my place in the group.
🟢 Friends
Seek an emotional bond.
Relationships with best friends tend to become the center of life, and when contact is lost, it becomes anxious that "I may be hated."
Excessive kindness and care may be used to attract the attention of friends.
🟢 relationship
Obsession and testing behavior.
Contact your partner frequently to confirm your affection. Even a slight change in attitude is viewed negatively and jealous.
It is easy to confirm the other person's affection with "trial behavior" that pushes farewell.
③ Avoidance type attachment
Life is a fortress to survive on your own.
(Self-reliance = defense to avoid getting hurt, so don't rely on anyone, reject emotional connection, and try to keep your mind safe by yourself)
Intimacy takes away freedom.
🔵 Society and Work
A lone wolf perfectionist.
He dislikes relying on others and thinks "it's faster to do it yourself." He can work, but he tends to avoid emotional sharing and team get-togethers.
🔵 Friends
Dry and superficial companionship.
I hate being deeply involved, I don't give emotional consultations, and I'm not good at being consulted.
When friendship deepens, they suddenly pretend to be busy and try to keep their distance
🔵 relationship
People who want to keep their distance.
When you get too close, you feel oppressive and feel "heavy" and want to run away.
Prioritize your time and space.
He has poor emotional expression and accepts parting casually.
④ Fear and avoidance type attachment
Life is "I want to get closer" and "I'm afraid of getting hurt"
contradictory conflict.
🟣 Society and Work
Unpredictable behavior.
If you show a very social and attractive side, you will suddenly turn away or lash out at people.
It is easy to judge whether it is an enemy or an ally within a group.
🟣 Friends
Relationship like a roller coaster.
If you idealize a friend and get close quickly, you may feel betrayed by the other person's trivial words and actions and suddenly break off the relationship.
🟣 relationship
Pull and push.
They want a close relationship, but reject the other person because they are afraid of getting hurt when approached.
Because of their low self-esteem, they can't trust their partner's affection, and it's easy to repeat breakups and reunions.
⚠️ "Orbit Correction of Attachment"
It is said that you can always make it on time.
Research has shown that attachment styles are modified by experiencing new, responsive interactions, no matter how old a child is, or in an adult relationship.
However, the "ease of effect" and "time required for correction" differ depending on the time.
ここでは「愛情不足の特徴って、具体的にどんなふうに出るの？」と「安定型（安定型愛着）の特徴をもっと知りたい」という方向けに、私が日常で気づきやすかった“サイン”を補足します。 ■ 愛情不足（＝幼少期に安心感が足りなかったかも？）の特徴：よくあるサイン ※決めつけではなく“傾向”として見てください。 1) 連絡が返ってこないだけで不安が暴走する 既読が遅い、返信が短い…それだけで「嫌われた？」「見捨てられる？」が頭を占領。恋人だけじゃなく友人にも出ることがありました。 2) 相手の顔色を読みすぎて疲れる 本音より“正解っぽい返答”を選んでしまう。後からどっと疲れて「私って何してるんだろう」と自己嫌悪になりがち。 3) 近づきたいのに、近づくと怖い 仲良くなりたいのに、急に距離を置きたくなる。相手が優しいほど「このあと裏切られたらしんどい」と身構える感じ。 4) 試し行動をしてしまう わざと冷たくする／別れを匂わせる／拗ねて察してをする…本当は“安心したい”だけなのに、結果的に関係がこじれやすい。 5) 相談できない・頼れない（自立の鎧） 「自分でやった方が早い」「弱みを見せたくない」と抱え込む。回避傾向が強い人に多いサインだと思います。 ■ 安定型（安定型愛着）の特徴：自分の中の“安全基地”がある 安定型の人って、ただメンタルが強いというより「不安になっても戻ってこられる場所が心の中にある」印象です。 ・連絡頻度や態度の揺れに一喜一憂しにくい ・嫌なことは嫌と言える（でも相手を攻撃しない） ・ケンカしても“解決”に意識が向く ・助けてと言えるし、相手も尊重できる（依存しすぎない） ■ 今日からできる“小さな軌道修正”のコツ（安定型に近づく練習） 1) 不安の正体に名前をつける 「返信が遅い＝嫌われた」ではなく、「今、見捨てられ不安が反応してるかも」と言語化するだけで少し落ち着きます。 2) 事実と解釈を分ける 事実：返信がまだない 解釈：嫌われた この切り分けを癖にすると、試し行動が減りました。 3) “敏感・適切・一貫性”を自分にも向ける 子どもへの関わりだけでなく、自分の心のサイン（疲れ・不安・寂しさ）に敏感に気づいて、適切に休む/話す/距離を取る、そしてそれを一貫して続ける。これが私には効きました。 4) 伝え方テンプレを持つ 不安型の人ほど、感情が爆発する前に短く伝えるのが助けになります。 例：「今ちょっと不安になってる。落ち着いたらまた話したい」 愛情不足の特徴に当てはまる部分があっても、今からの経験で変わっていけるのが愛着の良いところだと感じます。まずは“自分を責める材料”ではなく、“自分を理解する地図”として使ってみてください。
