Friends and lover relationships change depending on the love from parents in childhood
This will lead to yesterday's post 📝
I don't even know why,
I can't get along well with my friends and lovers,
Something hard to live...
I wonder what...
There may be a hint hidden here for those who think so.
Attachment style is a relationship with parents (caregivers) in childhood
Formed by how they were involved,
This is a blueprint for how to connect with people with peace of mind.
Parents' response patterns shape future interpersonal relationships and romantic tendencies.
The child says, "I am loved."
Whether you feel "I am valued" and have spent your childhood with a sense of security 🔑 is 🔑 important key ❗️
In terms of attachment type classification,
① Stable attachment is the most desirable!
Children have someone who loves them.
Have a basic sense of trust, be mentally stable,
Independence and sociality are easier to develop ✨✨
❤️👶 Childcare 👩❤️
The keyword is
🟠 sensitive
🟢 appropriate
🟡 consistency
🟠 sensitive
Be aware of your child s signs (crying, facial expressions, movements, etc.) without immediately overlooking them.
🟢 appropriate
Against the sign in the way that child needs to
To respond.
For example
If you're hungry
Milk, feeding, baby food...
If you're anxious
Hugs, gentle calls, stroking, hugs...
If you are tired
Sleep and cuddles...
And so on.
🟡 consistency
Regardless of the mood or convenience of the parents, keep repeating this response without blurring.
By having all three, children trust their parents as a "safe base" and the foundation of their mind is stable 🥰
This is said to be parenting that leads to the formation of stable attachment 🥰
Please refer to the following to see what kind of parenting is divided into each type ⬇️⬇️
① Stable attachment
Life is based on a safe and secure base.
🔴 Society and Work
A trusted team player.
Be able to hold your own opinion while respecting the opinions of others. Even in difficult situations, you can find solutions without getting emotional.
🔴 Friends
A balanced friendship.
You can maintain a certain distance from your best friend.
You can ask for help when you are in trouble, but don't rely too much. You can sincerely rejoice and support your friend's success.
🔴 relationship
A healthy interdependence.
Be confident in being loved and trust your partner. Do not worry about the frequency of contact and do not bind. Can calmly overcome breakups and conflicts.
② Anxiety type attachment
Life is a battle against "anxiety that you do not know when you will be abandoned."
🟢 Society and Work
Someone who overtries.
Strongly seeking evaluation and approval from others and trying too hard to meet expectations.
I am always concerned about my place in the group.
🟢 Friends
Seek an emotional bond.
Relationships with best friends tend to become the center of life, and when contact is lost, it becomes anxious that "I may be hated."
Excessive kindness and care may be used to attract the attention of friends.
🟢 relationship
Obsession and testing behavior.
Contact your partner frequently to confirm your affection. Even a slight change in attitude is viewed negatively and jealous.
It is easy to confirm the other person's affection with "trial behavior" that pushes farewell.
③ Avoidance type attachment
Life is a fortress to survive on your own.
(Self-reliance = defense to avoid getting hurt, so don't rely on anyone, reject emotional connection, and try to keep your mind safe by yourself)
Intimacy takes away freedom.
🔵 Society and Work
A lone wolf perfectionist.
He dislikes relying on others and thinks "it's faster to do it yourself." He can work, but he tends to avoid emotional sharing and team get-togethers.
🔵 Friends
Dry and superficial companionship.
I hate being deeply involved, I don't give emotional consultations, and I'm not good at being consulted.
When friendship deepens, they suddenly pretend to be busy and try to keep their distance
🔵 relationship
People who want to keep their distance.
When you get too close, you feel oppressive and feel "heavy" and want to run away.
Prioritize your time and space.
He has poor emotional expression and accepts parting casually.
④ Fear and avoidance type attachment
Life is "I want to get closer" and "I'm afraid of getting hurt"
contradictory conflict.
🟣 Society and Work
Unpredictable behavior.
If you show a very social and attractive side, you will suddenly turn away or lash out at people.
It is easy to judge whether it is an enemy or an ally within a group.
🟣 Friends
Relationship like a roller coaster.
If you idealize a friend and get close quickly, you may feel betrayed by the other person's trivial words and actions and suddenly break off the relationship.
🟣 relationship
Pull and push.
They want a close relationship, but reject the other person because they are afraid of getting hurt when approached.
Because of their low self-esteem, they can't trust their partner's affection, and it's easy to repeat breakups and reunions.
⚠️ "Orbit Correction of Attachment"
It is said that you can always make it on time.
Research has shown that attachment styles are modified by experiencing new, responsive interactions, no matter how old a child is, or in an adult relationship.
However, the "ease of effect" and "time required for correction" differ depending on the time.
幼少期の愛着スタイルは、生涯にわたり人間関係の基本となる信頼感や安心感の土台を形成します。特に安定型愛着を得られた子どもは、他者を信頼しやすく、困難な状況でも感情をコントロールして前向きに対処できます。私も子育てを通じて、子どもの小さなサインに敏感に反応し、適切で一貫した対応を心がけることで、子どもが安心して成長できる環境を作ることの重要性を実感しています。 一方、不安型や回避型の愛着を持つ人は、友人や恋人との関係で不安や距離を感じやすく、行動や感情に特徴があります。例えば、不安型は相手の愛情を絶えず確認したり依存しすぎたりすることがあり、回避型は親密さを怖がり距離を置く傾向があります。これらの愛着パターンはいつでも修正可能であり、新しい対人関係の経験を通して変わっていくことが研究で明らかになっています。 私の周囲にも、幼少期の愛着パターンが影響している人がいますが、大人になってからの人間関係で意識的にコミュニケーションを改善し、安心感を育む努力をしています。そうすることで、かつて築けなかった信頼関係や安定した恋愛関係を経験できるようになりました。 本記事で紹介される "敏感な気づき"、"適切な対応"、"一貫性" の３つのキーワードは親だけでなく、私たち大人同士の人間関係でも大切なポイントです。気づきを持って相手に接し、信頼の土台を作ることが、より良い友人関係や恋愛関係を実現するきっかけになります。ぜひ、幼少期の愛着スタイルに関する理解を深め、日々の生活に取り入れてみてください。
