almost one whole year without my momma…

It feels surreal that almost an entire year has passed since my incredible momma left this world. The calendar flips, seasons change, but the raw, aching pain in my heart often feels just as fresh as it did on day one. I try to put on a brave face, to go through the motions, and I guess I’ve gotten a little better at hiding how much it truly hurts. But the truth is, I miss her with an intensity that often feels physical, a constant hollow space where her warmth and presence used to be. Every milestone, every small joy, and every challenge feels incomplete without her. I look at family photos, especially that beautiful collage of her through the years – seeing her vibrant smile, holding me as a baby, and then those later moments, even one with our goofy white cat – and a wave of bittersweet memories washes over me. It’s those everyday moments, the ones you never thought you’d miss until they’re gone, that hit the hardest. The urge to pick up the phone and share a piece of news, big or small, or to just hear her comforting voice when life gets tough. It’s a constant whisper in the back of my mind, a habit deeply ingrained, now met with silence. I've learned that grief isn't a linear path. Some days, I find myself laughing and feeling a fleeting sense of peace, only for a memory or a song to bring me right back to the depths of sorrow. And sometimes, I feel guilty for those moments of happiness, as if moving forward somehow dishonors her memory. But I know, deep down, that she wouldn't want me to stop living or experiencing joy. She raised me to be strong, to be her 'momma's girl,' and I try to honor that strength every day, even when it feels impossible. The unique bond with a mother, especially when she’s been your anchor, leaves a particular kind of void that no one else can truly fill. It’s a connection woven into your very being. For anyone out there who's navigating your own journey of missing your momma, please know you are not alone. It’s okay to struggle, to feel that profound sadness, and to acknowledge that some wounds simply don't heal, they just become a part of who you are. Don't feel pressured to 'get over it' or to hide your pain from loved ones who care. While I’ve gotten better at masking it in public, I'm learning the importance of letting it out when I'm in a safe space. Finding little ways to keep her memory alive helps me immensely – whether it's looking through old photos, listening to her favorite music, cooking a recipe she loved, or carrying on a tradition she cherished. These small acts of remembrance can be incredibly comforting. It's a constant effort to integrate her absence into my life, learning to live with the void while still feeling her love. This path is incredibly lonely at times, but sharing these feelings, even anonymously online, helps to lighten the load and reminds me that there's a community of understanding hearts out there. We’re all just trying to navigate this new normal, one day at a time, holding onto the precious legacy our mommas left behind.