Hating Motherhood
-Hating Motherhood Part 6-
My husband and I have had many conversations over the years about my needs as a mother since I was the one struggling the most and also the one who was with the kids most of the time.
My husband started telling me to get out of the house and go out with friends, which, for the longest time wasn’t even something I considered.
I’ve always been a very social person but as soon as I had my baby I just assumed I would do what I had seen most mothers around me do… drop everything and spend 100% of their time at home and around their babies, doing nothing but cooking and cleaning and tending to their children.
And while that may work very well for some women, it did not work for me. I was depressed and resenting motherhood for taking away something it didn’t have to take away in the first place. I had done it to myself, all for the sake of thinking it was what I “had” to do, when quite literally no one was forcing me to.
That was a theme I would notice over the years…so many things I thought I couldn’t or shouldn’t do because I was a mom, I learned I could still do… even if those around me didn’t approve.
I have been a chronic people pleaser all of my life… it’s thankfully something that God has taken away from me, because it genuinely destroyed me for so many years trying to constantly do what everyone else wanted me to do instead of doing what I wanted to do.
My husband was one of the most influential people in teaching me to do what I needed and wanted to do instead of what I thought other people wanted me to do. Because that’s a big issue with people pleasers, not only do we do with other people tell us to do but we do what we THINK other people expect us to do even when other people do not have these expectations in the first place.
once I started picking up my old hobbies, adding new ones, and getting out of the house, at least once a week to hang out with friends without the baby, my life changed drastically and this was also a turning point of realizing that I didn’t have to copy the Motherhood that I saw around me. Especially when it wasn’t working out for me and my personality.
(comment for part seven)
Motherhood can often feel overwhelming, especially when societal expectations weigh heavily on new mothers. Many women find themselves trapped in a cycle of self-sacrifice, believing that their only role is to tend to their children. However, embracing the idea of self-care is crucial for mental health and personal fulfillment. Finding balance requires recognizing the importance of pursuing individual passions and social connections. Engaging with friends and rediscovering hobbies not only helps alleviate feelings of isolation but also fosters a healthier family dynamic. When mothers prioritize their own well-being, they can cultivate a more joyful and nurturing environment for their children. It’s essential for mothers to surround themselves with a supportive community that encourages personal growth rather than adherence to narrow stereotypes. Consider seeking mini breaks, joining classes related to interests, or simply reaching out to friends for a coffee catch-up. By doing so, mothers can reclaim their identity beyond the role of caregiver and experience the fullness of life. Learning to fill your own cup ultimately allows you to better care for your family.