hello this A Nobody speaking

I feel like everyday is a struggle I'm so tired of getting knocked backwards every time I get a step up this is been going on since I was a kid my own parents put me down keep telling me I'm useless I will never be nothing of my life I wanted to sing I love singing

I wanted to be an actress because I love acting when I mention that to my parents about wanting to be a singer or an actress or both they looked at me laughed said I quote

" you will never make anything of your life you are a useless kid you should have been aborted before birth if not

after " so yeah I struggle every day thinking what my parents have said to me still hurts.

I start getting ahead then someone knocks me backwards just like the relationships that I've had in the past my first boyfriend at age 16 beat me threaten me I wish I can say that was the worst that he done to me.

I went through this for 3 years but thankfully God gave me a way out,

then years later I meet a guy married him a year into it well you can read between the lines what he did to me but it wasn't no where near as bad as my ex-boyfriend did to me for 3yrs but anyways I went through this marriage for 5 years & once again God came to my rescue.

I gave up on love I gave up on finding someone that cares about me.

A few years later I met Steven, we dated for over a year & along came marriage,

around 4 years in our relationship it started falling apart no he didn't beat me he just can't handle his alcohol he'd drink a couple beers & he'd get mentally abusive

I told him please slow down on the alcohol which pissed him off, so then I said it's either me or the alcohol he said okay I choose U Then everything went great for probably 3 or 4 months maybe he'd start drinking again & more & more, so he got more & more mentally abusive it got so bad once he shoved me into the kitchen cabinet twice

afterwards he goes to the bedroom next thing I guess he passed out a few hours when he woke up I downloaded the footage of what he did to me

I sent them to him,

he said he didn't know he did that

i told him I understand that that's why I don't want you drink.

now anyone that cares about U after watching yourself doing that it should've made him stop drinking but it didn't

So a bit down the road I noticed that I started bricking walls around what I went through from a child up to there. then getting cold hearted towards people

I figured if I turn my feelings off & put a brick wall up to block off my past I figured it would be easier to go through life & a beaten up piece of trash it wouldn't hurt so bad the next mess up the next bad thing the next turn down that happens to me in so called life.

I've gotten to where my heart melts for animals NOT people.

So yeah I believe because the hell I went through & keeping a straight face like nothing is happening I believe I could be a good actress maybe not a great one but I'll NEVER know so

it would be nice if I was able to do something & able to bring in little money I don't care how much the main thing that I would like to get my name out there that'll be so awesome.

but even if someone did give me a chance I wouldn't know how the hell I'd be able to get to wherever they need me because I live in Kentucky I come from a poor family & of course I'm still poor I put every dime I get toward rescuing & caring for animals I don't even worry about myself I don't count, animals count I will go without food if that means it'd keep an animal from starving.

I don't even know why I'm posting this because like I said no one would give me a chance & I'd have No way to get to Wherever I'm needed.

I will go so far as doing a virtual acting start me out small I'm not asking anyone for their life I'm just asking for a chance to make something of my life prove to my parents that I'm a somebody not a nobody to prove to my parents I was worth bringing into this world. but my parents probably right I'd be nothing I'm a waste cause. misewell lay back & give up. it's easier than being hurt turn away. just except my parents was right that way I'm not trying to put myself out there & not get hurt