I’m a horrible friend.
I’ve lost so many friendships in the past years because I am the WORST friend. I lost connection with a group I was super close with out of my own anxiety and stupidity. I have had numerous opportunities to hang out but I always flake last second. Day of I get horrible panic attacks and start to just work myself up over nothing. The idea of leaving my house and being in a bar or even just at a restaurant makes me panic. Sometimes I can do spontaneous stuff or hang out one on one but outside of that it’s a panic attack trying to put my shoes on. I wish so badly I could overcome this and be a good friend again.
Does anyone have any advice to please help me be a better friend ?
It sounds like you're going through such a tough time, and it's incredibly brave to share your struggles. Feeling like a 'horrible friend' because of anxiety is a common, yet isolating, experience. When it feels like you need to put out a 'friend wanted poster' just for someone to understand your situation, it can be overwhelming. Instead of a literal poster, think about how you can communicate your needs to the people who matter. Many friends genuinely want to understand but might not know how. Being open, even if it's scary, can transform your friendships. You don't have to over-explain every detail of your panic attacks, but a simple, 'Hey, I've been struggling with some anxiety lately, and sometimes it makes it hard for me to leave the house or commit to plans last minute. It's not about you, I really value our friendship, but my brain just gets overwhelmed,' can make a huge difference. This is your 'friend wanted' message for empathy. You mentioned it's hard to stay connected and that 'texting is hard,' but sometimes calls are easier. What if you tried voice notes? Or short video messages? These can bridge the gap when a full conversation or an in-person meet-up feels too much. Instead of completely flaking, suggest alternatives: 'I'm so sorry, I'm having an anxious day and can't make it to the bar. Would you be up for a quick video chat later, or maybe we could watch a movie together online?' This shows you care about staying connected, even if your anxiety prevents traditional hangouts. Remember, it's not necessarily hard for you to make friends, but staying connected requires different strategies when anxiety is in the picture. Sometimes, the 'friend wanted poster' isn't just for current friends, but for finding new connections who truly 'get it.' There are many online communities and local support groups for people dealing with social anxiety. Connecting with others who share similar experiences can create a safe space where you don't feel the pressure to always be 'on' or constantly explain yourself. These environments are often built on understanding and patience, which can be incredibly healing. It’s a way to find friends who already know what it’s like to have a hard time going out or being flakey due to mental health struggles. Overcoming this isn't an overnight fix, but rather a series of small, brave steps. Start by practicing with one-on-one, low-pressure interactions, as you mentioned you sometimes can do. Could you invite a friend over for a quiet coffee, or go for a short walk in a comfortable, familiar place? The goal isn't to suddenly become a social butterfly, but to slowly expand your comfort zone. Each successful small interaction builds confidence and helps you feel less like a 'horrible friend' and more like someone actively reclaiming their social life. Don't beat yourself up for past flakiness; focus on the small, positive changes you can make now to be a better friend to yourself and others. Your desire to be a better friend is a huge step in itself. Keep seeking help and remember, you're not alone in this journey.
i have a friend who is just like this. coming from the friend perspective yk, the best thing you can do is just try to communicate. but real friends will understand and forgive. as long as you explain yourself, they should be able to forgive you. and you don’t even have to go out to have a good time.